Slipping Back In

I'm worried that I'm slipping back into that big, ugly BLAH fog. The one that keeps me at home, that slows my thoughts, that wastes time, that holds me lazily to the bed or couch... and generally stands in the way of LIFE. I am not a fan. When I have the mental capacity to really think about it, that is.

That's not to say I've been doing nothing, entirely. I did visit a couple of good grocery venues this week: the Arlington Farmers' Market and Wilson Farm in Lexington. I haven't been to Wilson's in, wow, almost a year. Pathetic, really. Sure, it's not quite as close as any old grocery store... but it's so vastly superior it's almost laughable to shop anywhere else for most items. I don't know what I was thinking. Or, rather, I wasn't thinking.

I hate falling into this mode. It's not living... it's just... Honestly, I don't know what it is. But it sucks. I haven't done any yoga. I haven't been to the gym at all this month - and it's the 22nd already! I've been eating some good veggies (from aforementioned farm sources), but "balancing" them with plenty of crap that pretends to be food. I have put only limited effort into the job hunt... although there weren't too many interesting new openings anyway. I haven't been cleaning the house. Hell, I haven't even fully unpacked or done laundry from my trip out to the Midwest. And even worse, I've been neglecting the litter box. Gross, I know.

On the positive side, I have at least been getting together with friends. In the last week I've seen Courtenay at her housewarming party, Kevin and I had dinner with Nate and his brother and girlfriend, went out with other friends to a bar, visited famers' market and appliance store with Kathryn, hung out a couple times with Mark... and of course there's been a fair amount of time with Kevin. For so long it was a habit to stay home alone... and while I'm still doing more of that than I'd like, it's becoming much more habit to get out and see people. One part of making my life better and easier that's been taking hold... thankfully.

In the slipping, though, I've still seen more TV in the last few days than I care to admit. Sure, there were a couple of premiers this week that I would make time to see in even the busiest of weeks (Project Runway and Making Over America w/ Trinny & Susannah, anyone!?). But there were also hours of CNN, HGTV, and blankly staring at overnight news because my brain wouldn't process anything but wouldn't sleep either.

OK, enough writing about it for now. I need to get off my ass and do something productive. I know, at 3am? I somehow managed to waste most of the day vegging or napping... so I'm wide awake. I'm hoping to just stay up until tomorrow night so I can fall asleep at some reasonable hour. And if I can manage to stay busy, it should work. So cleaning up, laundry, and making plans for daytime Saturday... I need to take the spurts of motivation as they come, to see if I can parlay them into something more sustained and healthy. God, I hope so.

Wish me luck!