Ana,
Reason #5 for not going to the gym is not valid, at least not on Tuesday nights.
New episodes of NCIS are available online and on OnDemand (the next day). So, you can watch them on your own time without commercial interruption. As an added bonus, you can pause and rewind. I use these features to, well, oogle you-know-who. Mmmm. So hot and yummy. In fact, as you can see, it's after 7 here and I'm NOT watching the new ep! Saving it for later in the week.
Of course, if you are implying that you can't go to the gym any night because NCIS is on, well, I can't help you there. Because it is, in fact, on EVERY night. Also, reasons 1, 3, 4 and 6 may or may not be legit. I didn't analyze. :)
k.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Ufda!
Holy crap when you said blog, you mean seriously blogging. I'm trying to keep with with you two, still getting used to doing something other than watching tv and eating when I come home from work. Let's see...Sunday was a bad day in general...just one of those depressive days where nothing bad particularily happend, just a down day. Unfortunately, I kind of let that get in the way of having "family dinner" with my sister and dad (mom was gone for the weekend with student council crap). I actually walked out of my parents' house as dad was making dinner because I just didn't want to deal with them. I live alone. When I go home to my parents' house I want to be able to spend time with them. Yet every time I do go up there my dad is watching TV downstairs, my sister is holed up in her room and my mom is grading papers. I'm left to do the exact same thing I could do at my own apartment...nothing. It frustrates me so much, especially my sister. She has such a sour attitude about our family. I know we are kind of screwed up, but so is every other family. Anyway, I digress...
Sunday I laid (sp?) around all day and felt sorry for myself . I guess I did read another chapter of "Pillars of the Earth". (Krissie, it's getting really good. Gwen, if you haven't read this book yet you should!) . After that I went up to my parents' for dinner but left before I could we sat down for dinner because I was too upset and irritated (hormones may or may not have been involved in the crying part). So instead of having a somewhat healthy meal at my parents' I decided to drown my sorrows in a Whopper with cheese (and a side salad...that counts, right?). Way to go.
Monday was better, but my food intake was just as bad. I had physically therapy so I was able to leave work early (thank god) and it's always nice to get a massage that someone else is paying for :). When I got home all I did was watch TV and eat and then go to bed. I'm tired of this routine. It's getting really old and it just makes me sick to think that I've wasted a good portion of my life that way.
Tuesday is better than Monday, still not great but being the perfectionist that I am that will likely never happen. I actually asked my mom to go grocery shopping with me so that I wouldn't end up with a cartful of herseys products. How sad is that? Really sad, but it seems to work..until the next time I have to go to the dreaded grocery store where everytype of bad food sits and stares at you, calling out to you.
I have yet to get to the gym. So far I have come up with the excuse of 1) i shouldn't do anything after physical therapy 2) My legs aren't shaved so therefore I can't go swimming (although that one doesn't apply anymore, well at least not for a couple more days) 3) I'm too tired 4) it's raining out 5) NCIS is on 6) it screws up my even schedule too much etc.
Eh, anyway. Needless to say not much of a change. The only change in my life so far is that I think I have new, younger, neighbors. It took them all of Saturday and Sunday to move! How much crap can people have??
Ok..I hope you two are doing well today. Happy April Fools day tomorrow :)
Sunday I laid (sp?) around all day and felt sorry for myself . I guess I did read another chapter of "Pillars of the Earth". (Krissie, it's getting really good. Gwen, if you haven't read this book yet you should!) . After that I went up to my parents' for dinner but left before I could we sat down for dinner because I was too upset and irritated (hormones may or may not have been involved in the crying part). So instead of having a somewhat healthy meal at my parents' I decided to drown my sorrows in a Whopper with cheese (and a side salad...that counts, right?). Way to go.
Monday was better, but my food intake was just as bad. I had physically therapy so I was able to leave work early (thank god) and it's always nice to get a massage that someone else is paying for :). When I got home all I did was watch TV and eat and then go to bed. I'm tired of this routine. It's getting really old and it just makes me sick to think that I've wasted a good portion of my life that way.
Tuesday is better than Monday, still not great but being the perfectionist that I am that will likely never happen. I actually asked my mom to go grocery shopping with me so that I wouldn't end up with a cartful of herseys products. How sad is that? Really sad, but it seems to work..until the next time I have to go to the dreaded grocery store where everytype of bad food sits and stares at you, calling out to you.
I have yet to get to the gym. So far I have come up with the excuse of 1) i shouldn't do anything after physical therapy 2) My legs aren't shaved so therefore I can't go swimming (although that one doesn't apply anymore, well at least not for a couple more days) 3) I'm too tired 4) it's raining out 5) NCIS is on 6) it screws up my even schedule too much etc.
Eh, anyway. Needless to say not much of a change. The only change in my life so far is that I think I have new, younger, neighbors. It took them all of Saturday and Sunday to move! How much crap can people have??
Ok..I hope you two are doing well today. Happy April Fools day tomorrow :)
Neither Movement Nor Waste
That about sums up today for me. I was up way later than I'd planned... and still somehow didn't finish the book. I guess I wasn't as far into it as I thought... and several times I caught myself stopping and just spacing out to absorb what I had just read, before I could continue. But I finished it today... lovely. Just lovely. If you've not read Jhumpa Lahiri, I definitely recommend her. (Though Unaccustomed Earth - god, how I love that title - is the only book of hers I've read so far, I own the other two.)
Went to bed at like 2:30 or 3am. Woke up a bit after 11am. Stole some of my roommate's coffee - just enough for one cup, so I could at least get my contacts in and a grocery list together. Treated myself to Starbucks on the way to Trader Joe's. I didn't buy any today, but they had a few gorgeous flowering plants there... one that really grabbed me had this flaming bright orange flowers. Stunning. I may get it as a reward after I get the Ed Asst job apps submitted, and a few more computer tutorials done... so early next week, hopefully.
Went to the library and got a few more books that might be interesting... Freakonomics, This I Believe II, and Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. We'll see... I may not read them all before they're due back. I kind of want to spend time with the other Lahiri books already on my bookshelf.
I wanted some computer books to help me get ready for a job that actually requires computer skills... but my branch didn't really have what I was looking for. So I put in requests for the books I want from other branches, and they'll be here soon. In the meantime, I can work through the online tutorials.
I thought about working out today, but am most deeply feeling yesterday's workout. So I took a long detour to the library and back, and tried to walk fast enough to raise the heart rate a little. Of course, now I'm eating a snack of pizza rolls, and heading over to Kevin's later for dinner and tv-fest.
I know I'll work out tomorrow though. I've got an 11am appt with my therapist - so no sleeping in too late. And it's going to be lovely again tomorrow, so I can see a good walk and then a dvd workout back here. And there'll no doubt be job progress tomorrow as well, because I always leave Dr. Saffo's office feeling like I want to get something done on that front.
While I didn't post any intentions for today... (I kind of had the feeling when I got up that I needed a slow-paced enjoyable day)... and didn't actually "accomplish" anything today... I still feel good. It's beautifully warm, with a cool breeze and sunshine. I adore how it's still so sunny this late in the day.
For tomorrow, intentions are:
1) Walk 45-60 min. outside (with my shuffle!)
2) work out with either a pilates or yoga dvd when I get back
3) finish my cover letters for the Ed Asst positions
I know, I'm getting ambitious listing THREE things for one day. Heh. But now that I've written them, I will report, whether I'm happy with my efforts or not. :-)
Went to bed at like 2:30 or 3am. Woke up a bit after 11am. Stole some of my roommate's coffee - just enough for one cup, so I could at least get my contacts in and a grocery list together. Treated myself to Starbucks on the way to Trader Joe's. I didn't buy any today, but they had a few gorgeous flowering plants there... one that really grabbed me had this flaming bright orange flowers. Stunning. I may get it as a reward after I get the Ed Asst job apps submitted, and a few more computer tutorials done... so early next week, hopefully.
Went to the library and got a few more books that might be interesting... Freakonomics, This I Believe II, and Deepak Chopra's Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. We'll see... I may not read them all before they're due back. I kind of want to spend time with the other Lahiri books already on my bookshelf.
I wanted some computer books to help me get ready for a job that actually requires computer skills... but my branch didn't really have what I was looking for. So I put in requests for the books I want from other branches, and they'll be here soon. In the meantime, I can work through the online tutorials.
I thought about working out today, but am most deeply feeling yesterday's workout. So I took a long detour to the library and back, and tried to walk fast enough to raise the heart rate a little. Of course, now I'm eating a snack of pizza rolls, and heading over to Kevin's later for dinner and tv-fest.
I know I'll work out tomorrow though. I've got an 11am appt with my therapist - so no sleeping in too late. And it's going to be lovely again tomorrow, so I can see a good walk and then a dvd workout back here. And there'll no doubt be job progress tomorrow as well, because I always leave Dr. Saffo's office feeling like I want to get something done on that front.
While I didn't post any intentions for today... (I kind of had the feeling when I got up that I needed a slow-paced enjoyable day)... and didn't actually "accomplish" anything today... I still feel good. It's beautifully warm, with a cool breeze and sunshine. I adore how it's still so sunny this late in the day.
For tomorrow, intentions are:
1) Walk 45-60 min. outside (with my shuffle!)
2) work out with either a pilates or yoga dvd when I get back
3) finish my cover letters for the Ed Asst positions
I know, I'm getting ambitious listing THREE things for one day. Heh. But now that I've written them, I will report, whether I'm happy with my efforts or not. :-)
Regarding My Monday and Tuesday-Thus-Far....
I know, I know. I'm the one who said we should post daily and then I don't. I'm working on it. :)
My sleeping is still a little messed up but like I said in the previous post, I'm giving myself a pass in that area. I mean, if I get up at a decent hour, great. If not, oh well.
Sunday night I think I finally fell asleep around 1. I noticed even before I slept that I could feel the yoga workout earlier in the day. Just a pleasant soreness in my hips and butt. Monday I woke up in the morning but didn't have much to do so I went back to sleep until like 2. Felt more twinges in the rear but it was a good hurt. The kind that begs for a good stretch.
I can't really remember what I did after I got up but I went to spinning class at little earlier than usual so I'd have time for a good warm-up. The class Monday night was mostly sprints so really cardio-intense. Somewhere in the midst of the frantic pedaling I think I found cycling nirvana--my legs felt like they were moving without any effort and I was totally in the zone. And every time we stood up to ride, I could feel it in my ass thanks to the day before. In all, a fab workout.
After gym, I went to the grocery store. Picked up some items for actual meals and some other things I enjoy that were on sale. By the time I got home at 8...I barely had enough energy to make dinner (grilled turkey burger with cheese, frozen broccoli, fries). I hit the couch after eating and (sort of) cleaning the kitchen. This is when I meant to blog but I stayed on the couch cozy in my layers of clothes and blankets (because after spin class and eating my heart rate plummets and I'm freezing cold) until midway through The Colbert Report. I was asleep by 11:30!
Today I woke up at 6 and had breakfast (low-fat Eggo waffles with Smart Balance spread and light syrup). I was still tired so I went back to sleep. Got up around 10. Took a shower, made a smoothie, loaded the dishwasher and went to yoga at noon. It's a 75 minute class on Tuesdays and I asked the instructor if we could do some hip openers and butt stretches. Oh man did she live up to my request! The whole class was EXACTLY the workout I needed. It felt soooooo gooood. I can't even tell you. And I can tell that I'm improving. I'm getting closer to completing a full bind in some poses and am less afraid of inversions (though I need to practice headstands against the wall). After class I spent a bit in the hot tub/whirlpool (I love my gym's amenities), showered and stopped by Target to get an Rx and some stuff I forgot in my shopping last night.
So. I'm home now obvi. I turned on the jazz, had a sandwich. Should probably really clean up the kitchen. And pre-make the stuffed pork chops I plan to freeze for future eating. Have yet to request my unemployment this week and look for jobs but thanks to President Obeezy, I got my letter informing me that COBRA will now cost me 65% less. Thanks Barry!
My sleeping is still a little messed up but like I said in the previous post, I'm giving myself a pass in that area. I mean, if I get up at a decent hour, great. If not, oh well.
Sunday night I think I finally fell asleep around 1. I noticed even before I slept that I could feel the yoga workout earlier in the day. Just a pleasant soreness in my hips and butt. Monday I woke up in the morning but didn't have much to do so I went back to sleep until like 2. Felt more twinges in the rear but it was a good hurt. The kind that begs for a good stretch.
I can't really remember what I did after I got up but I went to spinning class at little earlier than usual so I'd have time for a good warm-up. The class Monday night was mostly sprints so really cardio-intense. Somewhere in the midst of the frantic pedaling I think I found cycling nirvana--my legs felt like they were moving without any effort and I was totally in the zone. And every time we stood up to ride, I could feel it in my ass thanks to the day before. In all, a fab workout.
After gym, I went to the grocery store. Picked up some items for actual meals and some other things I enjoy that were on sale. By the time I got home at 8...I barely had enough energy to make dinner (grilled turkey burger with cheese, frozen broccoli, fries). I hit the couch after eating and (sort of) cleaning the kitchen. This is when I meant to blog but I stayed on the couch cozy in my layers of clothes and blankets (because after spin class and eating my heart rate plummets and I'm freezing cold) until midway through The Colbert Report. I was asleep by 11:30!
Today I woke up at 6 and had breakfast (low-fat Eggo waffles with Smart Balance spread and light syrup). I was still tired so I went back to sleep. Got up around 10. Took a shower, made a smoothie, loaded the dishwasher and went to yoga at noon. It's a 75 minute class on Tuesdays and I asked the instructor if we could do some hip openers and butt stretches. Oh man did she live up to my request! The whole class was EXACTLY the workout I needed. It felt soooooo gooood. I can't even tell you. And I can tell that I'm improving. I'm getting closer to completing a full bind in some poses and am less afraid of inversions (though I need to practice headstands against the wall). After class I spent a bit in the hot tub/whirlpool (I love my gym's amenities), showered and stopped by Target to get an Rx and some stuff I forgot in my shopping last night.
So. I'm home now obvi. I turned on the jazz, had a sandwich. Should probably really clean up the kitchen. And pre-make the stuffed pork chops I plan to freeze for future eating. Have yet to request my unemployment this week and look for jobs but thanks to President Obeezy, I got my letter informing me that COBRA will now cost me 65% less. Thanks Barry!
Regarding Gwen's posts...
I intended to respond to them yesterday but when the time I planned to do so arrived, I was beat. More on my day in a subsequent post. This one is dedicated to my thoughts on Gwen's thoughts. :)
As for calling you out, that's what this blog is all about. I expect others to do the same for me, too. Even though I hate it and is bound to make me feel all defensive, it's the only way to ensure I'm actually doing the things I say I'm going to do. It's easy for me to justify my actions to myself and give myself a "free pass" but excuses are just excuses when it comes to explaining myself to others. But big kudos to Gwen for posting her intentions and then following through and saying so. I think that's a good approach.
Social responsibility and giving back is a tough area for me too. I know I don't do enough. However, at this point in my life, I'm not beating myself up for it. Two main reasons. One...I have enough of my own problems that I just can't handle taking charge on some larger social issue. If I did, I'm bound to lose sight of what I need right now, which is the most important. Second...while I realize I'm lacking in giving back and paying it forward, and I want to improve on this, I recognize now is not the time. I've found that if I give myself too many goals, too many things to change about myself, I'm bound to fail at all of them. Instead, if I focus on one or two qualities/aspects, I'm more likely to succeed. Then, I can move on to something else. In short, I can't remake myself into the perfect me in one fell swoop. Right now, my focus is on getting healthier and getting a job. The rest...like cutting back on tv, or sleeping less or volunteering...I'm willing to forgive myself for not meeting my own standards in those areas. It will come, with time, after I've dedicated serious effort to the two things I want to fix in my life right now.
To be sure...this approach might not be for everyone and I promise not to judge anyone on how you want to tackle your self-improvement. I think if you feel strongly about repairing some part of your existence (i.e. social responsibility) then absolutely find a way to fit that into your current goals. In return, I promise to kick your ass about meeting your own standards. Deal? :)
To the question regarding Microsoft Office skills...I think using proficient is fine. You know how to use them for basic things and can figure anything else out. To me, proficient expresses a more-than-basic understanding which I think you have. My resume says "fluent" only because I've spent more hours than I'd ever like to know using Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook and, as a result, I can do just about anything. Should you do more practicing and get the books you could probably bump proficient to something higher. Make sense? I'm more than happy to read resumes and/or cover letters and provide feedback. Just holla.
As for calling you out, that's what this blog is all about. I expect others to do the same for me, too. Even though I hate it and is bound to make me feel all defensive, it's the only way to ensure I'm actually doing the things I say I'm going to do. It's easy for me to justify my actions to myself and give myself a "free pass" but excuses are just excuses when it comes to explaining myself to others. But big kudos to Gwen for posting her intentions and then following through and saying so. I think that's a good approach.
Social responsibility and giving back is a tough area for me too. I know I don't do enough. However, at this point in my life, I'm not beating myself up for it. Two main reasons. One...I have enough of my own problems that I just can't handle taking charge on some larger social issue. If I did, I'm bound to lose sight of what I need right now, which is the most important. Second...while I realize I'm lacking in giving back and paying it forward, and I want to improve on this, I recognize now is not the time. I've found that if I give myself too many goals, too many things to change about myself, I'm bound to fail at all of them. Instead, if I focus on one or two qualities/aspects, I'm more likely to succeed. Then, I can move on to something else. In short, I can't remake myself into the perfect me in one fell swoop. Right now, my focus is on getting healthier and getting a job. The rest...like cutting back on tv, or sleeping less or volunteering...I'm willing to forgive myself for not meeting my own standards in those areas. It will come, with time, after I've dedicated serious effort to the two things I want to fix in my life right now.
To be sure...this approach might not be for everyone and I promise not to judge anyone on how you want to tackle your self-improvement. I think if you feel strongly about repairing some part of your existence (i.e. social responsibility) then absolutely find a way to fit that into your current goals. In return, I promise to kick your ass about meeting your own standards. Deal? :)
To the question regarding Microsoft Office skills...I think using proficient is fine. You know how to use them for basic things and can figure anything else out. To me, proficient expresses a more-than-basic understanding which I think you have. My resume says "fluent" only because I've spent more hours than I'd ever like to know using Word, Excel, PowerPoint, Outlook and, as a result, I can do just about anything. Should you do more practicing and get the books you could probably bump proficient to something higher. Make sense? I'm more than happy to read resumes and/or cover letters and provide feedback. Just holla.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Almost 8 Hours Later...
I stepped up. I posted my intended actions, and while I didn't have some revolutionary mind-blowing success, I did what I said I would do.
First, the workout. OK, instead of separate pilates and yoga DVDs ('cause let's face it, I'm that out of shape and pathetically unable to do much working out) I did my Crunch Super SlimDown DVD that's a combo of yoga and pilates. And I love the instructor, Ellen Barrett. I've got like five or six of her DVDs. And I must say, it felt good. There were a couple times when she went for another set, and I just couldn't do one more... but I kept up with almost everything, and definitely felt it in my muscles. So, yay!
Second, the resume and job apps. The resume is totally ready for all three Editorial Assistant positions. I've got a working draft of the cover letter, but it needs some improvement before I will feel confident in sending it. Oh, and I realized that I desperately need to brush up on my MS Office software skills. I'm good with Word, but haven't used anything else in ages, and never used them much to begin with. On tomorrow's trip to the library I plan to get some of those Dummies books to help me. And this evening I discovered on the Office website, they've got some free "courses" you can take. I did one, and while it was slow, it wasn't too bad. It took less than an hour, and it brought me back up to at least the things I knew how to do before (like years ago). I actually think some more of those might be a good use of some of my free daytime hours... it would feel productive, and actually be helpful in this job quest.
One thing... I'm hesitant to put "proficient in MS Office software" on my resume, because right now I'm not. But I know that between books and online tutorials, it will only take me a week or two to get pretty familiar with all the programs. So odds are by the time they'd interview me, I would be good with them. The issue is that I'd like to send out these resumes in the next day or two. Thoughts? Advice?
Now, putting away the work stuff for tonight, and off to reading the rest of Unaccustomed Earth for me. It's due back to the library tomorrow. Again, hoping to make myself rise at a reasonable morning hour... say, before 9. And I'll probably post an intention or two for the day tomorrow morning, so I can report on my fulfillment/failure later. Toodles!
First, the workout. OK, instead of separate pilates and yoga DVDs ('cause let's face it, I'm that out of shape and pathetically unable to do much working out) I did my Crunch Super SlimDown DVD that's a combo of yoga and pilates. And I love the instructor, Ellen Barrett. I've got like five or six of her DVDs. And I must say, it felt good. There were a couple times when she went for another set, and I just couldn't do one more... but I kept up with almost everything, and definitely felt it in my muscles. So, yay!
Second, the resume and job apps. The resume is totally ready for all three Editorial Assistant positions. I've got a working draft of the cover letter, but it needs some improvement before I will feel confident in sending it. Oh, and I realized that I desperately need to brush up on my MS Office software skills. I'm good with Word, but haven't used anything else in ages, and never used them much to begin with. On tomorrow's trip to the library I plan to get some of those Dummies books to help me. And this evening I discovered on the Office website, they've got some free "courses" you can take. I did one, and while it was slow, it wasn't too bad. It took less than an hour, and it brought me back up to at least the things I knew how to do before (like years ago). I actually think some more of those might be a good use of some of my free daytime hours... it would feel productive, and actually be helpful in this job quest.
One thing... I'm hesitant to put "proficient in MS Office software" on my resume, because right now I'm not. But I know that between books and online tutorials, it will only take me a week or two to get pretty familiar with all the programs. So odds are by the time they'd interview me, I would be good with them. The issue is that I'd like to send out these resumes in the next day or two. Thoughts? Advice?
Now, putting away the work stuff for tonight, and off to reading the rest of Unaccustomed Earth for me. It's due back to the library tomorrow. Again, hoping to make myself rise at a reasonable morning hour... say, before 9. And I'll probably post an intention or two for the day tomorrow morning, so I can report on my fulfillment/failure later. Toodles!
Just Another Manic... Oh, Wait - WASTED - Monday
So, it's 2:15pm. I'm still unshowered and in PJs. I managed to force myself out of bed around 10:30. Ate some breakfast, put contacts in, drank a cup of coffee (alas, the last cup of coffee I can make until I get to a store). And then I fell into lump on the couch mode, half napping, half watching CNN. (Um, yeah, in my comment to Ana's post about how I have somewhat lessened time spent couch surfing with tv, that was mostly about nighttime tv. I neglected to mention my afternoon CNN habit. Which is not on DVR. And often leads to naps. Hmm...)
Oh, and while coffee was brewing this morning, I did look at a dozen or so job posting sites - and this week I see several new Editorial Assistant positions posted. I'm kind of psyched! I need to go over my resume, tweak it for these particular companies, and get those apps out! MUST DO! I figure, putting my intention of applying out there to other people, hopefully it'll make me DO it. And soon. I am saying so here, and on Facebook - and I have to say, I'm loving how FB lets people so easily offer encouragement from far away. :-) It feels good to have that.
So, one productive step, and a lot of laziness so far today. It's raining... still... so I'm probably not going out for a walk today. But I'm feeling antsy, so maybe I will break out a pilates dvd or something. Yes yes, I intend to do some pilates and yoga today. So now it's out there for you to see, and it means if I do or don't, I'll have to say so later. Sometimes I find it's just a matter of someone besides myself knowing that motivates me to do a little more. (Then again, sometimes it just offers someone else's understanding when I don't. Heh.)
Something big I've been thinking about lately.... the conflict between what I say I believe in and value and want, versus my actions. Some of it is "If I want to be healthier, why don't I exercise more?" But some of it is much bigger... like, I am a big believer in social responsibility and community service. I have even dedicated time and effort to emphasizing their importance to students in my classroom, teaching them they NEED to get out and take care of the world around them. Yet I have not behaved like these are important in my own life. I've not put enough effort into my job search, and spent large portions of the last months sitting on my ass collecting unemployment from the government - from taxpayers in my community (however local or large that community may be). I have not volunteered anywhere during this time, like I said I would. I have not actually performed any acts of community service in a long time. I look back at ASP a lot lately, and think of how amazing an experience that was. But not how to put some of that in my current life.
I guess what it comes down to, is I don't have a clear set of articulated values, and those things that I claim to believe in are blatantly undermined by my actions/inactions. This is something I have tried NOT to think about. This is something I certainly need challenging on, to keep it in my mind. Because it causes me deep discomfort. If I'm ultimately seeking to lead a fulfilling life, aligned with my values and beliefs, I am not currently on that path. And I will not find satisfaction in continuing to live in ways I believe are incorrect.
I bring this up because it's something I need you to call me out on sometimes. As I write about what I do and what I want, if you see a conflict, please bring it up. When it seems like I'm burying or justifying something that is out of line with the "me" that you know, please bring it up. I'm very aware that I'm not JUST on a quest for a job and a thinner body. There's a lot more to it. And it's all interconnected. Lately I've found that I not only lack clear values, but clear goals, a clear sense of identity... and continuing on that path isn't going to work for me. I'm not someone who is especially comfortable being called out and challenged, but it's something I need. Really need. To keep these uncomfortable conflicts within myself - and the questions that inherently go along with them - as part of my conscious conversation with myself as I work to get out of this muddy hole I find myself lost in.
I'm hoping not to mire my writing too much in the deeper soul-searching issues... as that gets me nowhere. (And can be annoying, I'm aware, for you and for me.) In fact, what I hope this blog can help me with is a greater focus on taking action, and making things happen and change for myself. But as I write about actions I do or don't take, the deeper conflicts are definitely something I need to deal with.
OK, intentions for the rest of my day laid out: I will work out with a pilates dvd and a yoga dvd. I will get my resume ready for these Editorial Assistant jobs. Sure, I've got some other goals in there as well for my day, but these are the pertinent ones. The ones that I must report on later, whether I step up or fall down.
Oh, and while coffee was brewing this morning, I did look at a dozen or so job posting sites - and this week I see several new Editorial Assistant positions posted. I'm kind of psyched! I need to go over my resume, tweak it for these particular companies, and get those apps out! MUST DO! I figure, putting my intention of applying out there to other people, hopefully it'll make me DO it. And soon. I am saying so here, and on Facebook - and I have to say, I'm loving how FB lets people so easily offer encouragement from far away. :-) It feels good to have that.
So, one productive step, and a lot of laziness so far today. It's raining... still... so I'm probably not going out for a walk today. But I'm feeling antsy, so maybe I will break out a pilates dvd or something. Yes yes, I intend to do some pilates and yoga today. So now it's out there for you to see, and it means if I do or don't, I'll have to say so later. Sometimes I find it's just a matter of someone besides myself knowing that motivates me to do a little more. (Then again, sometimes it just offers someone else's understanding when I don't. Heh.)
Something big I've been thinking about lately.... the conflict between what I say I believe in and value and want, versus my actions. Some of it is "If I want to be healthier, why don't I exercise more?" But some of it is much bigger... like, I am a big believer in social responsibility and community service. I have even dedicated time and effort to emphasizing their importance to students in my classroom, teaching them they NEED to get out and take care of the world around them. Yet I have not behaved like these are important in my own life. I've not put enough effort into my job search, and spent large portions of the last months sitting on my ass collecting unemployment from the government - from taxpayers in my community (however local or large that community may be). I have not volunteered anywhere during this time, like I said I would. I have not actually performed any acts of community service in a long time. I look back at ASP a lot lately, and think of how amazing an experience that was. But not how to put some of that in my current life.
I guess what it comes down to, is I don't have a clear set of articulated values, and those things that I claim to believe in are blatantly undermined by my actions/inactions. This is something I have tried NOT to think about. This is something I certainly need challenging on, to keep it in my mind. Because it causes me deep discomfort. If I'm ultimately seeking to lead a fulfilling life, aligned with my values and beliefs, I am not currently on that path. And I will not find satisfaction in continuing to live in ways I believe are incorrect.
I bring this up because it's something I need you to call me out on sometimes. As I write about what I do and what I want, if you see a conflict, please bring it up. When it seems like I'm burying or justifying something that is out of line with the "me" that you know, please bring it up. I'm very aware that I'm not JUST on a quest for a job and a thinner body. There's a lot more to it. And it's all interconnected. Lately I've found that I not only lack clear values, but clear goals, a clear sense of identity... and continuing on that path isn't going to work for me. I'm not someone who is especially comfortable being called out and challenged, but it's something I need. Really need. To keep these uncomfortable conflicts within myself - and the questions that inherently go along with them - as part of my conscious conversation with myself as I work to get out of this muddy hole I find myself lost in.
I'm hoping not to mire my writing too much in the deeper soul-searching issues... as that gets me nowhere. (And can be annoying, I'm aware, for you and for me.) In fact, what I hope this blog can help me with is a greater focus on taking action, and making things happen and change for myself. But as I write about actions I do or don't take, the deeper conflicts are definitely something I need to deal with.
OK, intentions for the rest of my day laid out: I will work out with a pilates dvd and a yoga dvd. I will get my resume ready for these Editorial Assistant jobs. Sure, I've got some other goals in there as well for my day, but these are the pertinent ones. The ones that I must report on later, whether I step up or fall down.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Neighbor Update!
Since you are both well versed in the life of my neighbors, I thought I'd share a quick item of interest and fascination!
I'm confident that Veggie Man does not actually own a bed. Instead, I think he uses one of those AeroBeds. He hasn't been around all weekend (very quiet from next door)...maybe he was at the Hooker's House? Anyway, a few minutes ago I heard an air pump-like noise, one I've heard before, and it all clicked! I realize it's an efficiency apartment and he keeps TWO bicycles in there but an AeroBed? For reals? Crazy.
No news on the Agoraphobe-Trash Collector across the hall. The mysterious garbage bits Ana and I spotted on the floor outside the door late Friday night disappeared. But I'm sure he/she/it will drag some out again soon. If he/she/it ever leaves.
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Anyway, I think I'm close to fixing my messed up sleep cycle so I'm off to bed. Okay so maybe I'll watch an episode of NCIS first. Michael Weatherly is so freaking hot.
k.
I'm confident that Veggie Man does not actually own a bed. Instead, I think he uses one of those AeroBeds. He hasn't been around all weekend (very quiet from next door)...maybe he was at the Hooker's House? Anyway, a few minutes ago I heard an air pump-like noise, one I've heard before, and it all clicked! I realize it's an efficiency apartment and he keeps TWO bicycles in there but an AeroBed? For reals? Crazy.
No news on the Agoraphobe-Trash Collector across the hall. The mysterious garbage bits Ana and I spotted on the floor outside the door late Friday night disappeared. But I'm sure he/she/it will drag some out again soon. If he/she/it ever leaves.
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Anyway, I think I'm close to fixing my messed up sleep cycle so I'm off to bed. Okay so maybe I'll watch an episode of NCIS first. Michael Weatherly is so freaking hot.
k.
The Weekend Ends...
Yet my non-schedule stays virtually the same. Heh.
Spent most of the weekend with Kevin, pretty much as usual. He had to work a little late each day this week because his coworker is on vacation. By the time we got together Friday night, he was exhausted, and despite multiple invitations to go out, we both just felt like lazing around together doing not much. It's funny, actually, how often he and I both feel like that. But at least I feel like lazing around with him, at his house, is somehow better than doing it alone at my own apt. So we ordered dinner, drank some yumminess - for some unexplainable reason I've been very into wine spritzer like drinks lately - and watched random tv.
Saturday was gorgeous out, made all the more lovely by the knowledge that cold and pouring rain were on their way that evening to overtake the rest of the weekend. We had lunch on my back porch, hung out with my kitty for a bit and then walked over to the library. Kevin - for the first time in a long long time (maybe ever?) - now has a library card. And he even got some books for his upcoming man-trip out west. Then we strolled around some more, soaking in the sun while it lasted. And later, lots of walking around Target, hunting for things that have moved in their remodeling efforts. Sadly, the leisurely strolling with Kevin is about all I can say for my physical activity this weekend. And it surely doesn't qualify as "exercise". And the food was plentiful - but at least not void of nutrients. Not healthy, but not as unhealthy as I might sometimes go. Heh. We had delicious chicken kebob and veggie subs Friday, Indian food Saturday, and some lovely omelets this morning.
Me with my stupid headaches, though, basically wasted today lying around. I read a little Unaccustomed Earth, watched some tv, and napped on an off most of the day. Sad, really. I was hoping that once I got my new contacts (in the correct current prescription!) my headaches would go away. They've gotten better, certainly, but are still bothersome. Although I noted today that if I had something else to focus on, I might not even notice it so much. It's the fact that I've got nothing else needing my attention that makes it so annoying. I think this week I'm going to put particular focus on some relaxing yoga and drinking lots of water, to see of that will help keep them away.
Anyway, off to read and hope to fall asleep at a somewhat reasonable hour. I liked the mornings I saw last week, and want to see more! If it becomes a habit, though, I'm going to really need to find more things to do. Job, please come my way!
Spent most of the weekend with Kevin, pretty much as usual. He had to work a little late each day this week because his coworker is on vacation. By the time we got together Friday night, he was exhausted, and despite multiple invitations to go out, we both just felt like lazing around together doing not much. It's funny, actually, how often he and I both feel like that. But at least I feel like lazing around with him, at his house, is somehow better than doing it alone at my own apt. So we ordered dinner, drank some yumminess - for some unexplainable reason I've been very into wine spritzer like drinks lately - and watched random tv.
Saturday was gorgeous out, made all the more lovely by the knowledge that cold and pouring rain were on their way that evening to overtake the rest of the weekend. We had lunch on my back porch, hung out with my kitty for a bit and then walked over to the library. Kevin - for the first time in a long long time (maybe ever?) - now has a library card. And he even got some books for his upcoming man-trip out west. Then we strolled around some more, soaking in the sun while it lasted. And later, lots of walking around Target, hunting for things that have moved in their remodeling efforts. Sadly, the leisurely strolling with Kevin is about all I can say for my physical activity this weekend. And it surely doesn't qualify as "exercise". And the food was plentiful - but at least not void of nutrients. Not healthy, but not as unhealthy as I might sometimes go. Heh. We had delicious chicken kebob and veggie subs Friday, Indian food Saturday, and some lovely omelets this morning.
Me with my stupid headaches, though, basically wasted today lying around. I read a little Unaccustomed Earth, watched some tv, and napped on an off most of the day. Sad, really. I was hoping that once I got my new contacts (in the correct current prescription!) my headaches would go away. They've gotten better, certainly, but are still bothersome. Although I noted today that if I had something else to focus on, I might not even notice it so much. It's the fact that I've got nothing else needing my attention that makes it so annoying. I think this week I'm going to put particular focus on some relaxing yoga and drinking lots of water, to see of that will help keep them away.
Anyway, off to read and hope to fall asleep at a somewhat reasonable hour. I liked the mornings I saw last week, and want to see more! If it becomes a habit, though, I'm going to really need to find more things to do. Job, please come my way!
I need a hobby.
Ana! You made it! I'm so glad! Glad to hear you got the legs shaved and sort of glad you didn't finish the book. It gives me just a teeny bit more time to catch up. Okay, not likely. But I know what you mean about television...I use it to escape my life and focus on fictional characters too. And yes, calling a friend might help but sometimes I just don't want to talk about my boring life, you know? Way easier just to live vicariously through the better lives on tv.
Today has been semi-productive. I was up at 11 (after going to bed at 4...don't ask). I read for a bit...not Pillars of the Earth. I did an hour long bad-ass yoga workout that I have. It's audio only so I don't have to pay attention to too-perky instructors on my tv but the dude is seriously hardcore. I can't do all the stuff he describes but I try. By the time I'm done my quads are like jelly...it's very lower-body intensive. Anyway, I put on some relaxing music and did a few minutes of poses he doesn't do (pigeon anyone? the BEST!) and a few minutes Savasana and I'm good to go. Made some lunch (eggs and toast) and ate it at the table (the dining room table, not the coffee table), did the dishes, washed some windows, took a bath. Now it's almost 5....and I'm bored and have run out of things to do.
Alas, I think my Saturday can best be described as a train wreck. It started off with promise but that didn't last long. In hindsight, I should have gotten up when I woke up at 9 and gone to 10:30 yoga class. But I didn't. I went back to sleep instead. Bad idea and I think the reason I was a depressed mess all day.
The first time I went back to sleep I woke up about an hour later. Too late for yoga and although I wasn't exactly tired, something was urging me to go back to bed. So I did. Another hour later, I woke up again, only to go right back to sleep to return to my dreams. At the time, I don't think I knew what I was dreaming about--just that it was better than the day I ahead of me. The third time I woke up, I figure it out. I was dreaming about a boy. THE boy. My perfect man. All my dreams that I can recall were rated PG so they weren't THOSE kind of dreams. Just nice, feel good, he loves me and we are happy kind of dreams, you know? So, I went back to sleep a couple more times, just to recapture the goodness...which may not have been the best decision because I was off kilter all day (or all of the day that I was up) because these dreams seriously f-d up my reality.
For example, at one point in the dream I was dreaming. You read that right. I was having a dream about HAVING A DREAM. In the dream-dream I was dreaming about this guy I had met and was wondering if I would ever hear from him. Lo and behold, he text messaged me! Yay! Except when I woke up (from the dream-dream) I wasn't sure it was real, so I had to check my phone to make sure he really did txt me. And he had. Yay again! Except...when I woke up FOR REALS I was totally confused and I will confess to checking my phone (for reals) to see if I had any txts from him, which, of course, I did not, because HE'S NOT REAL. There's more to it than that...something about him adding me as a friend Facebook-esque social networking website but upon awaking in the dream-dream I had to verify that as true and make sure it was really him and then of course there was the "OMG did he mean to add me, what do I do, what do I say" general girl-freak-out moment. But again, NOT REALITY but real enough that when I woke up I was confused and felt bereft and empty, like I lost something or something was missing. Before I knew what I was dreaming about it was strange but when I realized that I was all upset because I wanted him to be real...crazy!
The sad part? The part that makes me question my sanity? I was kind of sad and bummed ALL DAY. I don't honestly know if it was because I'm disappointed this guy isn't real or that it's because my dreams clearly are more exciting than reality or if my subconscious is just trying to tell me I'm lonely...I just know that I felt very lonely and heartbroken all day. Which is my excuse for doing nothing. Wow. I was a lazy depressed slob because some guy who doesn't exist broke my heart by NOT existing. That's just....awesome.
Anyway, around 3 I realized that going back to sleep was not going to do me any good so I made myself get up. I stayed in my pjs until about 8 when I decided I wanted a "meal" and not just random bites of stuff so I got "dressed" to cook a pizza. I watched tv pretty much all day (although in my defense the two-hour show on the History channel about military strategy in biblical battles was really interesting and dare I say educational). But, like I said, I was awake until 4. Ooops.
Maybe it was all because I was drinking while Ana and I watched the seriously messed up movie I Am Legend the Friday night before. I mean, drinking is the only way I watch scary movies and this movie goes way beyond scary into disturbing. But perhaps my indulgence in wine (and chocolate!) led me to my problematic dream state. Oddly, I have no idea what I dreamed about when I went to bed after Ana left until I woke up the first time on Saturday morning. I slept well, actually, and felt semi-rested when I woke up at 9:30. So...the later dreams were punishment for not going to yoga? If so, I TOTALLY learned me lesson.
So...yeah. Nearing 5:00pm on Sunday. I'm all clean and dressed (in jeans!) so I don't feel like working out but I need something to do until I can go to bed at a normal hour like a normal person. Any ideas?
Today has been semi-productive. I was up at 11 (after going to bed at 4...don't ask). I read for a bit...not Pillars of the Earth. I did an hour long bad-ass yoga workout that I have. It's audio only so I don't have to pay attention to too-perky instructors on my tv but the dude is seriously hardcore. I can't do all the stuff he describes but I try. By the time I'm done my quads are like jelly...it's very lower-body intensive. Anyway, I put on some relaxing music and did a few minutes of poses he doesn't do (pigeon anyone? the BEST!) and a few minutes Savasana and I'm good to go. Made some lunch (eggs and toast) and ate it at the table (the dining room table, not the coffee table), did the dishes, washed some windows, took a bath. Now it's almost 5....and I'm bored and have run out of things to do.
Alas, I think my Saturday can best be described as a train wreck. It started off with promise but that didn't last long. In hindsight, I should have gotten up when I woke up at 9 and gone to 10:30 yoga class. But I didn't. I went back to sleep instead. Bad idea and I think the reason I was a depressed mess all day.
The first time I went back to sleep I woke up about an hour later. Too late for yoga and although I wasn't exactly tired, something was urging me to go back to bed. So I did. Another hour later, I woke up again, only to go right back to sleep to return to my dreams. At the time, I don't think I knew what I was dreaming about--just that it was better than the day I ahead of me. The third time I woke up, I figure it out. I was dreaming about a boy. THE boy. My perfect man. All my dreams that I can recall were rated PG so they weren't THOSE kind of dreams. Just nice, feel good, he loves me and we are happy kind of dreams, you know? So, I went back to sleep a couple more times, just to recapture the goodness...which may not have been the best decision because I was off kilter all day (or all of the day that I was up) because these dreams seriously f-d up my reality.
For example, at one point in the dream I was dreaming. You read that right. I was having a dream about HAVING A DREAM. In the dream-dream I was dreaming about this guy I had met and was wondering if I would ever hear from him. Lo and behold, he text messaged me! Yay! Except when I woke up (from the dream-dream) I wasn't sure it was real, so I had to check my phone to make sure he really did txt me. And he had. Yay again! Except...when I woke up FOR REALS I was totally confused and I will confess to checking my phone (for reals) to see if I had any txts from him, which, of course, I did not, because HE'S NOT REAL. There's more to it than that...something about him adding me as a friend Facebook-esque social networking website but upon awaking in the dream-dream I had to verify that as true and make sure it was really him and then of course there was the "OMG did he mean to add me, what do I do, what do I say" general girl-freak-out moment. But again, NOT REALITY but real enough that when I woke up I was confused and felt bereft and empty, like I lost something or something was missing. Before I knew what I was dreaming about it was strange but when I realized that I was all upset because I wanted him to be real...crazy!
The sad part? The part that makes me question my sanity? I was kind of sad and bummed ALL DAY. I don't honestly know if it was because I'm disappointed this guy isn't real or that it's because my dreams clearly are more exciting than reality or if my subconscious is just trying to tell me I'm lonely...I just know that I felt very lonely and heartbroken all day. Which is my excuse for doing nothing. Wow. I was a lazy depressed slob because some guy who doesn't exist broke my heart by NOT existing. That's just....awesome.
Anyway, around 3 I realized that going back to sleep was not going to do me any good so I made myself get up. I stayed in my pjs until about 8 when I decided I wanted a "meal" and not just random bites of stuff so I got "dressed" to cook a pizza. I watched tv pretty much all day (although in my defense the two-hour show on the History channel about military strategy in biblical battles was really interesting and dare I say educational). But, like I said, I was awake until 4. Ooops.
Maybe it was all because I was drinking while Ana and I watched the seriously messed up movie I Am Legend the Friday night before. I mean, drinking is the only way I watch scary movies and this movie goes way beyond scary into disturbing. But perhaps my indulgence in wine (and chocolate!) led me to my problematic dream state. Oddly, I have no idea what I dreamed about when I went to bed after Ana left until I woke up the first time on Saturday morning. I slept well, actually, and felt semi-rested when I woke up at 9:30. So...the later dreams were punishment for not going to yoga? If so, I TOTALLY learned me lesson.
So...yeah. Nearing 5:00pm on Sunday. I'm all clean and dressed (in jeans!) so I don't feel like working out but I need something to do until I can go to bed at a normal hour like a normal person. Any ideas?
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Would you believe it took me 5 min to figure how to write on this damn thing?
Ok, this is my first blog...ever. It's about midnight and I can't believe I'm actually awake at this time, although it could have something to do with the fact I didn't get my arse out of bed until 3pm today. The only thing I accomplished today was making dinner and shaving my legs. Yes, I know that last one is a very odd thing to say, but I haven't been able to shave my legs since the accident 2 months ago and my legs were looking very ape-ish; so it was a big feat for me today. As for everything else I had planned on doing (ie grocery shopping, finish "Pillars of the Earth", dust..etc) did not happend. I had every intention but the TV was calling my name. I sit in front of that thing too damn long and am wasting so much of my life watching, immersing and living vicariously through the plots and characters when I know I could have a perfectly good life if I just took a step out that door or picked up the phone to call a friend.
I guess I have always been like this, but these last two months have been worse since the accident...and I know a good portion of it is that the accident is a good excuse to not to do things...which makes me feel even worse. Too bad they haven't come out with a cattle prod that you can use on humans...not a stun gun... to get people off their arses and moving. I would so benefit from that negative reinforcement. Is that wrong? lol.
Anyway, I'm not going to write too much more tonight. I'm glad the three of us can do this. It's weird to think but the two of you know me better than anyone else, even my parents and sister. Well, Buenas Noches for now :)
I guess I have always been like this, but these last two months have been worse since the accident...and I know a good portion of it is that the accident is a good excuse to not to do things...which makes me feel even worse. Too bad they haven't come out with a cattle prod that you can use on humans...not a stun gun... to get people off their arses and moving. I would so benefit from that negative reinforcement. Is that wrong? lol.
Anyway, I'm not going to write too much more tonight. I'm glad the three of us can do this. It's weird to think but the two of you know me better than anyone else, even my parents and sister. Well, Buenas Noches for now :)
Friday, March 27, 2009
One Victory On A Friday
I'm awake! It's 7:20am, and I've been up for an hour. Made myself go to bed at midnight-ish, but had also decided not to take out the trash/recycling in the rain, so I needed to get up fairly so I wouldn't miss the trucks. It was surprisingly easy to hear my alarm at 6. I'm a little proud of myself for getting my ass out of bed. I've had two cups of coffee, breakfast, and am (for the first time in ages) seeing the first hour of the Today show. You know, the one with actual news instead of anchors getting silly.
After my cute red iPod shuffle arrives today, and after the sun pushes through the clouds, I plan to go for a lovely walk. Here's hoping I follow through on the promise of my early start!
After my cute red iPod shuffle arrives today, and after the sun pushes through the clouds, I plan to go for a lovely walk. Here's hoping I follow through on the promise of my early start!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Happy Thursday!
Part of me can’t believe it’s Thursday already; the rest of me is kind of glad. Time moves so slowly now that I have so many hours to fill but this week has gone by quickly.
On Monday afternoon I did 10-15 minutes of yoga before spinning class. . It was great except for the girl-cramps that started halfway through. I managed to pedal through the last ½ hour but just barely. When I got home, I hit up the heating pad and painkillers ASAP.
Tuesday I woke up at like 8:30. Had some breakfast. Read. And realized that I didn’t have anything else to do for awhile so I went back to sleep. Got up at 11 and went to 75 minute yoga at noon. I don’t know if the ventilation was off in the room but I was sweating like crazy…made a fab workout though. And 10 minutes of svasana at the end was amazing.
After yoga I did some grocery shopping and other assorted errands. I tried out a healthy coffee cake recipe. It didn’t work. Combined with my brownie debacle last week and I’m 0 for 2 in Betty Crocker efforts lately. It seems my baking skills have gotten rusty. In my disappointment, I took a nap Tuesday night but I was still able to get to sleep by 1 am.
Yesterday I cleaned at my parents’ house—that was my workout for the day. I did laundry too, because free laundry = awesome. Oh, and I got a nice dinner and did some shopping in their cupboards and fridge. But, since I slept in late in the morning, I didn’t go to bed until 3. Which meant I slept in today and missed yoga. I think I got up officially (by that I mean I stayed up) at…3. And I’ve been pretty lazy since. Shower, sweatpants. Television, computer game. Dishes. I’ve eaten, even actual meals and 2 bananas. I just haven’t felt like doing anything all day. Truthfully I’m surprised I’m even still up. I could have gone to bed after The Office at 8:30 but for some reason I didn’t. I’ll probably go to bed soon and despite the short day, I don’t think I’ll have any trouble falling asleep. Staying asleep might be another story.
As for jobs, I looked again on Tuesday but didn’t find anything else. I was going to apply for a .gov position but after I read the KSAs (knowledge, skills and abilities) I realized I am not qualified. I don’t mean that in a “I’m selling myself short” kind of way; it’s more a “I haven’t gone to grad school and don’t have the required knowledge” issue. So, so far, only one application in this week. Better than none, I supposed.
Tomorrow I’m cleaning at my brother’s house (my workout for the day) and Ana is coming for dinner. I thought for a second there was something else going on this weekend, something exciting but I it could just be the anticipation of finding a new bathroom rug at Target in the near future. ;)
k.
On Monday afternoon I did 10-15 minutes of yoga before spinning class. . It was great except for the girl-cramps that started halfway through. I managed to pedal through the last ½ hour but just barely. When I got home, I hit up the heating pad and painkillers ASAP.
Tuesday I woke up at like 8:30. Had some breakfast. Read. And realized that I didn’t have anything else to do for awhile so I went back to sleep. Got up at 11 and went to 75 minute yoga at noon. I don’t know if the ventilation was off in the room but I was sweating like crazy…made a fab workout though. And 10 minutes of svasana at the end was amazing.
After yoga I did some grocery shopping and other assorted errands. I tried out a healthy coffee cake recipe. It didn’t work. Combined with my brownie debacle last week and I’m 0 for 2 in Betty Crocker efforts lately. It seems my baking skills have gotten rusty. In my disappointment, I took a nap Tuesday night but I was still able to get to sleep by 1 am.
Yesterday I cleaned at my parents’ house—that was my workout for the day. I did laundry too, because free laundry = awesome. Oh, and I got a nice dinner and did some shopping in their cupboards and fridge. But, since I slept in late in the morning, I didn’t go to bed until 3. Which meant I slept in today and missed yoga. I think I got up officially (by that I mean I stayed up) at…3. And I’ve been pretty lazy since. Shower, sweatpants. Television, computer game. Dishes. I’ve eaten, even actual meals and 2 bananas. I just haven’t felt like doing anything all day. Truthfully I’m surprised I’m even still up. I could have gone to bed after The Office at 8:30 but for some reason I didn’t. I’ll probably go to bed soon and despite the short day, I don’t think I’ll have any trouble falling asleep. Staying asleep might be another story.
As for jobs, I looked again on Tuesday but didn’t find anything else. I was going to apply for a .gov position but after I read the KSAs (knowledge, skills and abilities) I realized I am not qualified. I don’t mean that in a “I’m selling myself short” kind of way; it’s more a “I haven’t gone to grad school and don’t have the required knowledge” issue. So, so far, only one application in this week. Better than none, I supposed.
Tomorrow I’m cleaning at my brother’s house (my workout for the day) and Ana is coming for dinner. I thought for a second there was something else going on this weekend, something exciting but I it could just be the anticipation of finding a new bathroom rug at Target in the near future. ;)
k.
I finally figured out the solution to my room arrangement/shelving dilemma - I tried my microwave cart in that corner, and I'm going to buy another one of those. It'll be perfect since I can set the shelves to whatever height I want when I put it together. Yay!
On other fronts, well, less motion. Today's job search was meh... no new postings, no real progress. But I did research some people I'd like to get informational interviews with, just to make some connections and get ideas of what I should be doing. Tomorrow's goal on that front is twofold: 1) send out requests for at least three info. interviews, and 2) to submit at least two applications for something. Really not sure what, since there haven't been any good listings this week, but I'll find something.
No fitness progress to speak of. And no effort, I suppose... which is a pretty essential ingredient to getting anywhere. Though I did at least try to eat decently today, lots of veggies and water. A bit too much at dinner, but at least it involved lots of veg.
Oh, when I finally get myself to take out the trash and recycling tonight (which I've been putting off because of rain) it'll at least get my heart rate up and involve a lot of stairs. I've got at least ten trips worth of stuff, between the recycling we forgot last week, the regular stuff, and all my teaching files that are headed out. And one more positive, related note: I posted the teaching stuff that other teachers could maybe use on craigslist, and one of the first responses was from a girl i worked with last year, so that'll all be leaving my house this weekend.
And I'm truly hoping to get myself to sleep at a normal hour so I can use tomorrow morning well.
Alright ladies, sending you my love.
On other fronts, well, less motion. Today's job search was meh... no new postings, no real progress. But I did research some people I'd like to get informational interviews with, just to make some connections and get ideas of what I should be doing. Tomorrow's goal on that front is twofold: 1) send out requests for at least three info. interviews, and 2) to submit at least two applications for something. Really not sure what, since there haven't been any good listings this week, but I'll find something.
No fitness progress to speak of. And no effort, I suppose... which is a pretty essential ingredient to getting anywhere. Though I did at least try to eat decently today, lots of veggies and water. A bit too much at dinner, but at least it involved lots of veg.
Oh, when I finally get myself to take out the trash and recycling tonight (which I've been putting off because of rain) it'll at least get my heart rate up and involve a lot of stairs. I've got at least ten trips worth of stuff, between the recycling we forgot last week, the regular stuff, and all my teaching files that are headed out. And one more positive, related note: I posted the teaching stuff that other teachers could maybe use on craigslist, and one of the first responses was from a girl i worked with last year, so that'll all be leaving my house this weekend.
And I'm truly hoping to get myself to sleep at a normal hour so I can use tomorrow morning well.
Alright ladies, sending you my love.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
And, Fail.
So after the last post, I did "consider" some of my room rearranging... but somehow didn't actually DO any of it.
Then around six-ish (I think, could've been earlier because I really don't remember) I curled up in bed, meaning to just lay down for a few minutes under my warm blanket... I was freezing and had just turned up the thermostat, and waiting for heat to kick on. Except, as is all too familiar lately, I fell asleep and didn't get up until 9:45pm. Argh.
You know, this early evening extra-long nap stuff is becoming a pattern. And a really bad one. I need to figure out how to stop doing it. It's only when I'm at my house - so if Kevin's coming over after work, or I'm going over there, I'm usually good (though sometimes there's a shorter nap).
It's always a little after Kelly comes home. I'm really not sure what it is about her getting home from work that makes me want to hide in my room... but it's becoming pretty regular. I think it's that I feel like I'm being judged - as lazy, useless, etc. Except she's never said, or even insinuated such things. Maybe it's just that when she gets home from work, it reminds me that I judge myself that way.
It's odd, too, because when I lay down in my bed at a normal bedtime hour (or even a somewhat abnormal one) and intend to go to sleep for the night, I find my bed uncomfortable and hard to sleep in. But these naps... I don't know how, but my bed feels good.
I think maybe I just need to set a more deliberate schedule for myself. And come up with some way to stick to it. Although, past attempts at that have failed.
Speaking of failing: no job progress to report... because I haven't done anything else. My references all got back to me, though, and sounded very positive.
I suppose my 15 min. of yoga this morning is better than my usual none. But my eating habits, like my sleeping habits, are totally erratic. In fact, I hesitate to even call them habits.
Blah... anyway, off to find something quiet to occupy myself with until sleep can find me again. And hoping not to sleep in too late tomorrow. Getting up today felt good, and I'd like to find more of that.
Then around six-ish (I think, could've been earlier because I really don't remember) I curled up in bed, meaning to just lay down for a few minutes under my warm blanket... I was freezing and had just turned up the thermostat, and waiting for heat to kick on. Except, as is all too familiar lately, I fell asleep and didn't get up until 9:45pm. Argh.
You know, this early evening extra-long nap stuff is becoming a pattern. And a really bad one. I need to figure out how to stop doing it. It's only when I'm at my house - so if Kevin's coming over after work, or I'm going over there, I'm usually good (though sometimes there's a shorter nap).
It's always a little after Kelly comes home. I'm really not sure what it is about her getting home from work that makes me want to hide in my room... but it's becoming pretty regular. I think it's that I feel like I'm being judged - as lazy, useless, etc. Except she's never said, or even insinuated such things. Maybe it's just that when she gets home from work, it reminds me that I judge myself that way.
It's odd, too, because when I lay down in my bed at a normal bedtime hour (or even a somewhat abnormal one) and intend to go to sleep for the night, I find my bed uncomfortable and hard to sleep in. But these naps... I don't know how, but my bed feels good.
I think maybe I just need to set a more deliberate schedule for myself. And come up with some way to stick to it. Although, past attempts at that have failed.
Speaking of failing: no job progress to report... because I haven't done anything else. My references all got back to me, though, and sounded very positive.
I suppose my 15 min. of yoga this morning is better than my usual none. But my eating habits, like my sleeping habits, are totally erratic. In fact, I hesitate to even call them habits.
Blah... anyway, off to find something quiet to occupy myself with until sleep can find me again. And hoping not to sleep in too late tomorrow. Getting up today felt good, and I'd like to find more of that.
Since When Do I Wake Up At 7:30?!
Yesterday = bad day. Today = much better.
Heh. I really don't know where yesterday went. I couldn't sleep the night before, so I got up for a few hours in the middle of the night. Did a little unnecessary online shopping. Hehe. (A cute little red iPod shuffle is on its way to me!) Finally went back to bed at like 3am and then slept until... well, 11:30ish I think. Woke up and made some breakfast... watched the noontimes news... and then for no reason I crawled back into bed to watch my cat sleep. For the entire afternoon, I was just spaced out... half asleep, maybe looking at a magazine, maybe my computer... but doing absolutely nothing. It wasn't until Kevin called to say he was almost done with work that I actually got up and put clothes on. Blah.
So yeah, yesterday was basically a waste.
This morning, though, I was awake and ready to go at 7:30. Very odd for me. But also somewhat incovenient since I was at Kevin's house. His bed is sooo comfy though, so I sleep really well there (unlike my own stupid cement-like mattress). I got up and did some yoga - just like 15 minutes - in his living room. Very peaceful and quiet, actually. Now it's after three, and I went to Dunkin Donuts, an appointment, Target, and the grocery store. Had a nice leisurely time browsing in the stores, and strolling to my car in the farthest reaches of the parking lot. I'm having a bit of lunch now (Yum! WW Smart Ones Calzone!). I've got some more furniture rearranging to consider and play with, and later on I plan to go for a nice long walk (fast walk, I hope?) by the river.
Oh, and in my rearranging fit, I'm going to try something with my yoga/workout stuff... I'm putting all the DVDs, mat, weights, etc. in the living room. Since I never seem to use it when it's in my room - and since my rearranging doesn't quite leave adequate floor space in my bedroom - I'm going to see if having it out there helps me use it more. I figure, if I'm lazily watching TV and my mat is right there, I might feel inclined to roll it out. We'll see.
Off to continue moving with the day!
Heh. I really don't know where yesterday went. I couldn't sleep the night before, so I got up for a few hours in the middle of the night. Did a little unnecessary online shopping. Hehe. (A cute little red iPod shuffle is on its way to me!) Finally went back to bed at like 3am and then slept until... well, 11:30ish I think. Woke up and made some breakfast... watched the noontimes news... and then for no reason I crawled back into bed to watch my cat sleep. For the entire afternoon, I was just spaced out... half asleep, maybe looking at a magazine, maybe my computer... but doing absolutely nothing. It wasn't until Kevin called to say he was almost done with work that I actually got up and put clothes on. Blah.
So yeah, yesterday was basically a waste.
This morning, though, I was awake and ready to go at 7:30. Very odd for me. But also somewhat incovenient since I was at Kevin's house. His bed is sooo comfy though, so I sleep really well there (unlike my own stupid cement-like mattress). I got up and did some yoga - just like 15 minutes - in his living room. Very peaceful and quiet, actually. Now it's after three, and I went to Dunkin Donuts, an appointment, Target, and the grocery store. Had a nice leisurely time browsing in the stores, and strolling to my car in the farthest reaches of the parking lot. I'm having a bit of lunch now (Yum! WW Smart Ones Calzone!). I've got some more furniture rearranging to consider and play with, and later on I plan to go for a nice long walk (fast walk, I hope?) by the river.
Oh, and in my rearranging fit, I'm going to try something with my yoga/workout stuff... I'm putting all the DVDs, mat, weights, etc. in the living room. Since I never seem to use it when it's in my room - and since my rearranging doesn't quite leave adequate floor space in my bedroom - I'm going to see if having it out there helps me use it more. I figure, if I'm lazily watching TV and my mat is right there, I might feel inclined to roll it out. We'll see.
Off to continue moving with the day!
Monday, March 23, 2009
Success and Failure All at the Same Time
Well it's just after 3:30 here and I haven't showered yet either but I probably won't before going to the gym later.
I slept in way too long but I managed to make myself get up around 1:30 and do...stuff. Wash face, brush teeth, put in contacts, get dressed (out of the pjs anyway). I did the dishes and made coffee. I have been working (for reals!) at the computer ever since. I think it's the music...Michael Bublé and jazz are actually motivating!
I applied for one job. Yay! I also emailed two former colleagues re: the reference issue. I started on this last week when I called one but didn't get to the others until now. I have to pay bills this week...ick. I hate doing that. Reminds me that I'm poor.
Spin class is at 6pm and I'm def going cause it's my fav class of the week. It's the one class I can count on attending even if I don't succeed at getting in anymore workouts this week.
I think I have to stop thinking about the week at large, you know? And just focus on each day. More than that and I think I set myself up to not get done the ambitious list to-do list I've assembled in my mind. I think I need to tell myself it's okay to not consider tomorrow until today is closer to done. I'm sure that sounds incredibly cliché but you know me...I'm a "to-do list" kind of person who is hard on herself if she doesn't get it done. Giving myself permission to NOT do something is like...failure or something. Like today...I clearly did not get up in the morning like I planned. Sure, I got tons of other things accomplished but I have this mental block that makes me think it's still a failure of a day because I didn't get up when I hoped. I have the same problem with the gym. If I intend to go 4 times a week and I miss once then there is no sense in going anymore because I've already failed. So while I can clearly see the error in this logic, I can't seem to correct it! Any advice?
I slept in way too long but I managed to make myself get up around 1:30 and do...stuff. Wash face, brush teeth, put in contacts, get dressed (out of the pjs anyway). I did the dishes and made coffee. I have been working (for reals!) at the computer ever since. I think it's the music...Michael Bublé and jazz are actually motivating!
I applied for one job. Yay! I also emailed two former colleagues re: the reference issue. I started on this last week when I called one but didn't get to the others until now. I have to pay bills this week...ick. I hate doing that. Reminds me that I'm poor.
Spin class is at 6pm and I'm def going cause it's my fav class of the week. It's the one class I can count on attending even if I don't succeed at getting in anymore workouts this week.
I think I have to stop thinking about the week at large, you know? And just focus on each day. More than that and I think I set myself up to not get done the ambitious list to-do list I've assembled in my mind. I think I need to tell myself it's okay to not consider tomorrow until today is closer to done. I'm sure that sounds incredibly cliché but you know me...I'm a "to-do list" kind of person who is hard on herself if she doesn't get it done. Giving myself permission to NOT do something is like...failure or something. Like today...I clearly did not get up in the morning like I planned. Sure, I got tons of other things accomplished but I have this mental block that makes me think it's still a failure of a day because I didn't get up when I hoped. I have the same problem with the gym. If I intend to go 4 times a week and I miss once then there is no sense in going anymore because I've already failed. So while I can clearly see the error in this logic, I can't seem to correct it! Any advice?
One Item Down
I did it. I sent the dreaded emails to former colleagues/supervisors who are my references, updating them on my (failure of a) job search. One item checked off the list for this week.
Now I need to take a shower and go for a walk to the mailbox around the block. Yes, it's 3:30pm and I'm just getting around to a shower. Oh well.
My evening plan today IS attacking the boxes of school stuff, purging most of it out of my life. If I don't see teaching in my semi-near future, I don't need the luggage of it in my present. Plus, once I get rid of it, I can rearrange the furniture in my bedroom again! Hehe. I feel the need to rearrange seasonally, so it's good that way.
Now I need to take a shower and go for a walk to the mailbox around the block. Yes, it's 3:30pm and I'm just getting around to a shower. Oh well.
My evening plan today IS attacking the boxes of school stuff, purging most of it out of my life. If I don't see teaching in my semi-near future, I don't need the luggage of it in my present. Plus, once I get rid of it, I can rearrange the furniture in my bedroom again! Hehe. I feel the need to rearrange seasonally, so it's good that way.
An Honest Beginning
Ha, well, OK so this is not the beginning of anything new except writing with you here.
Job - I've been unemployed for eight months now. I was not rehired at the end of the last school year (and given enough time, I've come to see I really didn't belong there anyway). Basically that led to a whole lot of feeling lost, wondering if I should really be a teacher, given that in two years I was let go from two teaching jobs - and dramatically different ones, at that. All the introspection and feeling depressed over it all... and general dissatisfaction with my life... well, it combined with all my free time, my natural tendency toward sleep and laziness, and... while I have been looking at job postings all along, most of the time assessing whether I was qualified, interested, or whatever by them... OK, here's the big ugly - I didn't actually, seriously apply to anything I could get or want until last week. Damn. That's bad.
Over the last few months I've been slowly trying to put some pieces together for myself that will be a good support system and help me do the things I need and want to do... because so often I don't. I'm making moves with my money to make life a little easier, to protect myself, and in general just not be stupid anymore. I finally (after how many years of pretending to look) got myself a regular therapist. I've - slowly but surely - tackled some of the silly projects I was always putting off... you know, cleaning out the clutter of life. I'm even feeling almost ready to get rid of my teaching stuff. Wow. Now that will be a big one - both in sheer quantity of stuff, and lifting an emotional load. We'll see how soon that one happens, though. I'm not pressuring myself to do it anytime soon... then again, I could decide to do it this afternoon. Heh. Sometimes I just don't know.
Anyway, the positive job note: I did finally apply for a truly good position as Associate Editor for a social studies project for Pearson Education. I see publishing as a viable career for me, and this would be a near-perfect transition piece, taking the work experience I have in a whole new direction. And I put some small pieces of additional job progress on my to-do list for this week: apply to at least two more jobs (good ones, if I can find some), email my references just to keep in touch, and research some people who have jobs I might someday want, and who I might try to meet with just to learn how they got there and what advice they have. So, fingers crossed that I get myself to do those things.
OK, fitness/health - Ha! What fitness? I sleep a ridiculous amount... at least ten hours a day, and I take naps almost daily as well. I have no sleep schedule at all (hence the absurd time stamp on this post). I go back and forth between eating total crap - getting pizza or chinese food delivered - and eating fairly decent food. I've been on a lean cuisine kick. They make convenient and easy options. (Not that I need those qualities with so much time on my hands, but I don't often muster up the energy to really prepare an involved meal.) I also have enjoyed a few salads or veggie-ful wraps lately. Of course, this is when I actually eat a meal. I have no regular eating schedule. I snack a lot. Instead of planning ahead, or taking time to prepare something - which I do actually really enjoy - I just grab whatever's fast and easy.
Oh, and I'm currently the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I hesitate to post numbers, simply because what the numbers actually mean varies so much from person to person... though, if you want, I can post it next time. I don't work out. Hell, I dont' leave the house most days. And even though I profess to love yoga... and I read magazines and books and websites about it all the time, I rarely get on my mat.
OK, enough rambling. This is where I am now. I feel like I've started to make some important changes to my life - and this blog can only help - so that positive progress is coming. All of my "issues" really, come down to some very basic questions with answers I can't quite grasp yet. I realized I don't really have goals for myself anymore. I don't know how to identify myself anymore, especially now that I've given up "teacher" as the first definition of who I am. I don't know why I don't do things that I need to do, want to do, even like to do. I do know that I'm exploring the answers, and that pursuit is intertwined with how I learn to care for myself, and finally figure out how to stand strong on my own.
Job - I've been unemployed for eight months now. I was not rehired at the end of the last school year (and given enough time, I've come to see I really didn't belong there anyway). Basically that led to a whole lot of feeling lost, wondering if I should really be a teacher, given that in two years I was let go from two teaching jobs - and dramatically different ones, at that. All the introspection and feeling depressed over it all... and general dissatisfaction with my life... well, it combined with all my free time, my natural tendency toward sleep and laziness, and... while I have been looking at job postings all along, most of the time assessing whether I was qualified, interested, or whatever by them... OK, here's the big ugly - I didn't actually, seriously apply to anything I could get or want until last week. Damn. That's bad.
Over the last few months I've been slowly trying to put some pieces together for myself that will be a good support system and help me do the things I need and want to do... because so often I don't. I'm making moves with my money to make life a little easier, to protect myself, and in general just not be stupid anymore. I finally (after how many years of pretending to look) got myself a regular therapist. I've - slowly but surely - tackled some of the silly projects I was always putting off... you know, cleaning out the clutter of life. I'm even feeling almost ready to get rid of my teaching stuff. Wow. Now that will be a big one - both in sheer quantity of stuff, and lifting an emotional load. We'll see how soon that one happens, though. I'm not pressuring myself to do it anytime soon... then again, I could decide to do it this afternoon. Heh. Sometimes I just don't know.
Anyway, the positive job note: I did finally apply for a truly good position as Associate Editor for a social studies project for Pearson Education. I see publishing as a viable career for me, and this would be a near-perfect transition piece, taking the work experience I have in a whole new direction. And I put some small pieces of additional job progress on my to-do list for this week: apply to at least two more jobs (good ones, if I can find some), email my references just to keep in touch, and research some people who have jobs I might someday want, and who I might try to meet with just to learn how they got there and what advice they have. So, fingers crossed that I get myself to do those things.
OK, fitness/health - Ha! What fitness? I sleep a ridiculous amount... at least ten hours a day, and I take naps almost daily as well. I have no sleep schedule at all (hence the absurd time stamp on this post). I go back and forth between eating total crap - getting pizza or chinese food delivered - and eating fairly decent food. I've been on a lean cuisine kick. They make convenient and easy options. (Not that I need those qualities with so much time on my hands, but I don't often muster up the energy to really prepare an involved meal.) I also have enjoyed a few salads or veggie-ful wraps lately. Of course, this is when I actually eat a meal. I have no regular eating schedule. I snack a lot. Instead of planning ahead, or taking time to prepare something - which I do actually really enjoy - I just grab whatever's fast and easy.
Oh, and I'm currently the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I hesitate to post numbers, simply because what the numbers actually mean varies so much from person to person... though, if you want, I can post it next time. I don't work out. Hell, I dont' leave the house most days. And even though I profess to love yoga... and I read magazines and books and websites about it all the time, I rarely get on my mat.
OK, enough rambling. This is where I am now. I feel like I've started to make some important changes to my life - and this blog can only help - so that positive progress is coming. All of my "issues" really, come down to some very basic questions with answers I can't quite grasp yet. I realized I don't really have goals for myself anymore. I don't know how to identify myself anymore, especially now that I've given up "teacher" as the first definition of who I am. I don't know why I don't do things that I need to do, want to do, even like to do. I do know that I'm exploring the answers, and that pursuit is intertwined with how I learn to care for myself, and finally figure out how to stand strong on my own.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
First post!
Welcome to Friends Let Friends Kick Each Others Asses!
I thought the green colors were quite fitting considering it's finally spring, even in Minnesota. There are thunderstorms in tonight's forecast! Woot!
Sorry for the delay in getting this up and running. I got sucked into March Madness/Badger weekend in Rochester. Long story short...the women's hockey team won their third national championship (in four years!) and the men's bball team lost in an ugly second round game to Xavier. Bittersweet really and I was super crabby for the drive home...I did it in record time!
Thinking back over the weekend it occurs to me I didn't always make the best food and drink choices though I firmly contend that bloody marys might actually be good for you. Alas, bad food + booze + not much sleep = unhealthy all around. So, much as I wanted to nap (or watch more basketball) when I got home, I wanted to be able to post here about doing something good.
I did 20 minutes of Yoga Booty Ballet and 10 minutes of general yoga. The former was my first time trying the dvd workout. It was...interesting. The other 10 minutes were from a workout on my digital cable (I heart OnDemand!)...mostly moving through plank, cobra, downward dog. I really just wanted to get an even 30 minutes in. :) I might do some stability ball and/or kettlebell stuff later. If I do, I'll report on it tomorrow. I might actually get on the scale tomorrow too. I want to mark a starting point, if you will. Right now, I'm looking ahead to summer so Memorial Day/beginning of June is my unofficial goal for visible progress. Okay, total honesty, I've reinstated the "bikini" goal and figure that since I have all this time on my hands there really isn't much of an excuse!
Speaking of free time...I did an intense 45 minute job search last Thursday night but I didn't find anything else to apply for. It's on tomorrow's 'to-do' list to look more before I have spin class at 6pm. I'm starting to get a bit freaked out about the no job thing...my funds are dwindling and the future is looking a little bleak. I'm sure Gwen can relate to this!
Not much else to share! My apartment is clean (surprise) and I just started a new book. I'm cleaning at my parents' house on Wednesday and possibly Nick's this week too. In general this week, I'm going to work on living more normal hours--getting up in the a.m. and going to bed before midnight. I think the nocturnal lifestyle as a big negative impact on my energy level and I don't get much accomplished when I am awake.
Anyway, I look forward to reading your posts!
k.
I thought the green colors were quite fitting considering it's finally spring, even in Minnesota. There are thunderstorms in tonight's forecast! Woot!
Sorry for the delay in getting this up and running. I got sucked into March Madness/Badger weekend in Rochester. Long story short...the women's hockey team won their third national championship (in four years!) and the men's bball team lost in an ugly second round game to Xavier. Bittersweet really and I was super crabby for the drive home...I did it in record time!
Thinking back over the weekend it occurs to me I didn't always make the best food and drink choices though I firmly contend that bloody marys might actually be good for you. Alas, bad food + booze + not much sleep = unhealthy all around. So, much as I wanted to nap (or watch more basketball) when I got home, I wanted to be able to post here about doing something good.
I did 20 minutes of Yoga Booty Ballet and 10 minutes of general yoga. The former was my first time trying the dvd workout. It was...interesting. The other 10 minutes were from a workout on my digital cable (I heart OnDemand!)...mostly moving through plank, cobra, downward dog. I really just wanted to get an even 30 minutes in. :) I might do some stability ball and/or kettlebell stuff later. If I do, I'll report on it tomorrow. I might actually get on the scale tomorrow too. I want to mark a starting point, if you will. Right now, I'm looking ahead to summer so Memorial Day/beginning of June is my unofficial goal for visible progress. Okay, total honesty, I've reinstated the "bikini" goal and figure that since I have all this time on my hands there really isn't much of an excuse!
Speaking of free time...I did an intense 45 minute job search last Thursday night but I didn't find anything else to apply for. It's on tomorrow's 'to-do' list to look more before I have spin class at 6pm. I'm starting to get a bit freaked out about the no job thing...my funds are dwindling and the future is looking a little bleak. I'm sure Gwen can relate to this!
Not much else to share! My apartment is clean (surprise) and I just started a new book. I'm cleaning at my parents' house on Wednesday and possibly Nick's this week too. In general this week, I'm going to work on living more normal hours--getting up in the a.m. and going to bed before midnight. I think the nocturnal lifestyle as a big negative impact on my energy level and I don't get much accomplished when I am awake.
Anyway, I look forward to reading your posts!
k.
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