I Get To Go To Work Tomorrow!

OK, it sounds a lot more exciting than it really is... but still. I have to get up and go to work for the first time in over 14 months. It's something different to look forward to.

It's just a two day temp job, Friday and Monday. According to my agency guy I'll be "filing my face off". He said something about moving files from one place to another and organizing them... and then Monday reorganizing them and moving them back to the first place. Hrm... But hey, it'll pay me a little bit (all of $11/hr... ooh la la). And it's a step in the right direction, at least. And if I want, it can be something current to add to my resume. (Though I may wait until there's a second temp position before I do that... we'll see. Depends what I actually end up *doing* at this assignment.)

In other news on the job front, I had a phone interview on Tuesday. And feel pretty positive about it. I'll know sometime next week if I'm one of the finalists being called for an in-person interview. And he guaranteed I'll hear from him one way or another... which I certainly appreciate. Limbo is far worse than knowing I didn't get something. This interview was for an Assistant to the Director position at a nutrition research lab run by Tufts and funded by the USDA. Not a dream job necessarily... but it sounds like a pretty good job at least. I'd get experience in the education/research program management arena and would get to develop special projects for myself in helping to run the center, and the boss seems like a good guy to work for.

I've also been seeing more interesting openings posted in other areas... a few good ones at Harvard (including a center for educational research to improve teaching and learning)... and some textbook publishing openings again as well (including content writing and editorial assistant jobs for some social studies materials).

On other fronts... meh. Not so much progress to speak of. I still have not been to the gym. Especially bad since the month is about to end... and I haven't gone at all this month. Argh. I have not done any yoga or pilates DVDs at home either. While there have certainly been fresh vegetables in my diet, there's also been an awful lot of cheese. And pizza. Oh the pizza. And chinese food delivered. OK, that was only once recently... but still. I'm still eating WAY too much... eating out of boredom, eating out of habit, eating because it's there, buying more food because I'm not paying attention to what I already have, eating mindlessly... My brain has basically been shut off. All of this is NOT going to add up to me subtracting pounds. Not good. Hopefully getting my arse up for work in the morning will spur on a weekend involving some kind of physical activity and smaller portions.

For now, laundry, vaccuuming, litter box cleaning... and enjoying the gorgeously cool weather that has finally descended upon us.

Slipping Back In

I'm worried that I'm slipping back into that big, ugly BLAH fog. The one that keeps me at home, that slows my thoughts, that wastes time, that holds me lazily to the bed or couch... and generally stands in the way of LIFE. I am not a fan. When I have the mental capacity to really think about it, that is.

That's not to say I've been doing nothing, entirely. I did visit a couple of good grocery venues this week: the Arlington Farmers' Market and Wilson Farm in Lexington. I haven't been to Wilson's in, wow, almost a year. Pathetic, really. Sure, it's not quite as close as any old grocery store... but it's so vastly superior it's almost laughable to shop anywhere else for most items. I don't know what I was thinking. Or, rather, I wasn't thinking.

I hate falling into this mode. It's not living... it's just... Honestly, I don't know what it is. But it sucks. I haven't done any yoga. I haven't been to the gym at all this month - and it's the 22nd already! I've been eating some good veggies (from aforementioned farm sources), but "balancing" them with plenty of crap that pretends to be food. I have put only limited effort into the job hunt... although there weren't too many interesting new openings anyway. I haven't been cleaning the house. Hell, I haven't even fully unpacked or done laundry from my trip out to the Midwest. And even worse, I've been neglecting the litter box. Gross, I know.

On the positive side, I have at least been getting together with friends. In the last week I've seen Courtenay at her housewarming party, Kevin and I had dinner with Nate and his brother and girlfriend, went out with other friends to a bar, visited famers' market and appliance store with Kathryn, hung out a couple times with Mark... and of course there's been a fair amount of time with Kevin. For so long it was a habit to stay home alone... and while I'm still doing more of that than I'd like, it's becoming much more habit to get out and see people. One part of making my life better and easier that's been taking hold... thankfully.

In the slipping, though, I've still seen more TV in the last few days than I care to admit. Sure, there were a couple of premiers this week that I would make time to see in even the busiest of weeks (Project Runway and Making Over America w/ Trinny & Susannah, anyone!?). But there were also hours of CNN, HGTV, and blankly staring at overnight news because my brain wouldn't process anything but wouldn't sleep either.

OK, enough writing about it for now. I need to get off my ass and do something productive. I know, at 3am? I somehow managed to waste most of the day vegging or napping... so I'm wide awake. I'm hoping to just stay up until tomorrow night so I can fall asleep at some reasonable hour. And if I can manage to stay busy, it should work. So cleaning up, laundry, and making plans for daytime Saturday... I need to take the spurts of motivation as they come, to see if I can parlay them into something more sustained and healthy. God, I hope so.

Wish me luck!

Things That Need Work. As In, Actual Effort.

In the five days that have passed since I returned from the Midwest vacation:

I have gained a few pounds. I am officially 180 lbs now. Ugh.
I have not been to the gym.
I have not rolled out my yoga mat, or (even worse) thought about rolling it out.
I have slept excessively long hours almost every night/day.
I have not called any family members or friends. I have not even returned calls.
I have not applied for any new jobs.
I have not eaten a salad, despite the fact that my lettuces were ready for harvesting when I got home.
I neglected to water my plants for four days straight, not knowing how long it had been since Kelly watered them, and ignoring the fact that it was pushing 90 degrees.
I killed my lettuces.
I went to the mall and spent far too much money on things I don't need.
I have hidden inside my air conditioned bedroom for two days straight.
I have watched WAY too many hours of television.
I have played a ridiculous number of hours of stupid online games.
I have sat on the chair in front of my computer so long that my butt hurts.

Somehow, though, I feel positive. I'm not sure why, but it's good to feel good.
I have emailed my contact at the staffing agency.
I have emailed the lady who wanted to interview me in hopes that I can still go talk to her.
I have (finally) launched my own personal blog, dealing with things outside the scope of this blog, in hopes of developing my writing skills, ability to accept and understand myself, examine my direction, etc...

I suppose the small good list is truly reason enough to feel positive. But it doesn't erase the long list of things I should do, want to do, need to do, and haven't been doing.

Remedies in the works for my Tuesday:
I will get up before noon, regardless of what time I fall asleep tonight.
I will visit the mall to return some of the unnecessary items.
I will roll out my yoga mat, and practice.
I hope to also visit the gym for treadmill and weights. (But we'll see. Tomorrow is going to be the hottest day we've had all summer.)
I will sit in a comfortable chair and read a book. (Sidenote: I'm reading A Homemade Life by Molly Wizenberg, and it's fantastic! A collection of her memories and life influences - largely about food - and recipies, too!)
I will visit Trader Joe's to buy salad greens and other healthy, simple fare.

It's not everything, but it's a start!

Time to Come Back

Unplanned hiatus, I guess. Not that I haven't had the urge to write, or things to write about, for that matter. Somewhere between travel, actually putting serious energy into the job search, and just being I've been a neglectful blogger. That said, hello again world!

The Gathering of the Vibes festival = awesomely relaxing and fun. Massive rainstorms the first day created the requisite muddy field for festival-goers to dance in. There was a point on the second day, listening to JJ Grey & Mofro, when Kevin looked over at me and said I looked miserable. At first I was annoyed... and then I realized that I'd been standing there, barely moving aside from flinches every time mud or beverages were spashed on me, clenching my jaw, and looking around at all of "them" - the people around me enjoying the show. He was right... I was acting like I was miserable. And for what? His simple act of pointing out the expression on my face created an amazing inner shift. I wore clothes that could get dirty (and subsequently washed). The music - though I'd never before heard this band - was fantastic. No one around us was being rude or outrageous... they were just letting the music take them over, and having FUN. So it only made sense that I, too, should forget all my stupid little worries, let go of whatever unrelated thoughts trailed through my mind, and just ENJOY my surroundings. And I did. I must say, the rest of the weekend felt wonderful.

Coming home from that, I felt recharched, energized, and truly ready to find that good job for myself. I scoured site after site, discovered new sites, filed a grillion applications, and finally contacted two temp agencies (though only one got back to me). I suddenly feel more ready than ever to work again. I'm almost too antsy for my own good, but I'd rather feel that than the blah that keeps me lazing about my apartment. I even got one request for an interview! It would be soooo good, too. A 15 minute walk from my house, at the fantastic university of my dreams, in a program office that deals with politics and the press. The world would be hard pressed to put a more suitable job in my path. The downside? She emailed me the day before the midwest trip, and needed to schedule interviews while I was away. Ack! She did tell me to contact her when I got home, to see where things stand, and potentially still come in for an interview... though I'm waiting on her response now. I'm not a fan of the waiting. However, I am excited that finally someone wanted to interview me, was intrigued by my resume, and interested in potentially hiring me. It gives me hope that forward movement will happen soon - in some direction or another.

In the one area of my life that IS progressing nicely, the wonder continues. Kevin not only survived the intense four state, meet a million people tour of the midwest. I'd forgotten how, um, "particular" my dad can be when packing and driving on road trips. I was irritated almost instantly - in that way that we all regress a bit when faced with people from a past era of our lives. I love my parents... but adult Gwen should not plan trips that involve travelling with them. Kevin, however, was not nearly so bothered. Even faced with the craziness of my sister's living situation, the (literally) dozens of relatives - including many young children - he had to meet, and excessive amounts of driving... Kevin maintained a level of contentedness throughout the trip, and was my source of calm and happiness in the crazier moments. Not only did we never tire of each other, I was downright excited to share it all with him. To fill in those missing pieces of my story that can only be explained through direct experience.

Since we've been home, I have continued to feel antsy at home, and energized in the job hunt... despite having no progress to report. And Kevin has started to really talk about us moving in together next summer. It all feels very exciting, but I'm so ready for it all. Bring it on, world. Let's go.