I've Been A Bad Blogger

I've also been bad about exercise, keeping up with yoga, and about eating healthfully. Oh, and about applying for jobs. Hmmm....

It seems every time I make progress I begin to feel really good about it... and then suddenly a switch flips inside my brain and I completely stop. Or mostly stop. Or even backslide.

On Monday I ate a pizza. A whole, large pizza. Not all at once, mind you... but it was enough that around 1am I was tempted to make myself throw up just so I could feel comfortable enough to fall asleep. I don't know what I was thinking. I've never been so uncomfortably full before... but I just kept eating until it was gone. And the overeating has continued most of the week. Granted, I've tried to add some veggies and grains in there... and I certainly did not eat to quite that disgusting level again... but I'm thrown by how easily I do this to myself. It's as if my brain just shuts off, and I eat until I can't eat anymore. And I regret it. And the next day I do it again.

I have acquired some of Amy Weintraub's guided breathing and meditation cds. She wrote Yoga for Depression, and has some dvds and other stuff. I know from experiencing it like once (ok, not even fully once) that her method works for me. It feels good - and it does help me feel more able to manage my moods and take life as it comes. So why I've been avoiding sitting down and *doing* the exercises, I don't know. Same with yoga in general. And exercise. I know how good it feels - both immediately and later in the day. But to make myself get started... it just seems impossible lately.

I have, on the other hand, been somewhat active in the cooking and baking of delicous food. I'm becoming a little bit obsessed with the new edition of How to Cook Everything. And the results have been - for the most part - really good. I'm also still reading Food Matters... and I just got my hands on Skinny Bitch from the library. I'm absolutely fascinated by all the good sense guides and advice coming out about food lately... the local food movement... edible gardens at home... farmers' markets... fresh seasonal cooking... avoiding overprocessed, chemical-laced, bad-for-the-world-and-your-body foods from the massive food producing companies... It amazes me how aligned our bodies' true needs are with our environment... and yet it doesn't. That fact resonates deeply somewhere inside me - and I can almost feel the rumbling of a primal version of myself, *needing* to further explore and experience healthy food, the joy of making and eating it, the incredible pride in growing it myself. It's hard to describe the pull this has on me without sounding all esoteric and junk... but it's an incredible feeling.

Now if only I could find a good paying job that involves any of it. Heh. Or, at the very least, a job that affords me the ability to continue pursuing this amazing food joy without much limitation.

OK, specific goals for today:
1) Apply to at least two jobs.
2) Visit the Allston Farmers' Market (small, but awesome - especially since it's in my 'hood!)
3) Yoga. MUST DO YOGA.
4) Bake Strawberry Muffins (from the latest issue of Body+Soul magazine)

And since it's noon already, I best get going!