Ok, I'm writing this while at work, granted on my lunch break, so I'm going to keep this short and hopefully I'll write more this afternoon when I get home from work. Sorry that I haven't been so good about the blog thing. I could come up with all the excuses in the world and none of them would suffice. I've had a bad couple of weeks with depression and am beginning to think that I'm succumbing to IT again. At the moment it's so hard to accomplish the littlest of tasks (ie taking a shower, actually doing something with my hair for work, blogging...). I don't feel like talking to anyone, I'm constantly crabby and crying and all I want to do is just curl up in a ball and sleep. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is if I don't go to work I'll lose my job and that would look bad on a resume.
Anyway, as a recap of last week I did end up going to the gym, once, and i felt good about it. I did about 30 min. on this half bike half elliptical machine thingy but i forgot that after two months of doing absolutely nothing and still having to walk with a cane that I should take it slow. It just frustrates me that I actually WANT to work out and I'm not able to do a whole lot. As for eating I did ok, my mom helped me with that, but I still splurged on pizza (ate the whole damn thing) and ice cream. Other than that all I do is go to work, come home, sit on the couch until it's time to go to bed and oh yeah eating most of that time.
Gwen, I completely understand and have also realized the connection between my dishes and my life. Does it ever make you crabbier having to look at the dirty dishes but you just dont' have the energy or desire to do anything about it?
On top of everything else Tom, aka lawyer boy- aka dumbass, called and is going through some rough times and he doesn't have anyone else to help him through it. So, after all he put me through I'm, once again, playing the good friend. I'm torn between helping him, because he really needs some help (depression and is currently on suicide watch) and letting him go. I'm definitely over him just not completely healed from the way he hurt me.
Anyway, I better get back to work. Ugh.
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HUGS!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear from you! I can relate to that feeling of succoming to IT... spent too much time in and just out and back in that hole myself. Along with TV and sleep, computer time is one of my natural habits... so that's where I find this blog helping on the bad days.
As for the guy... you're a good person no matter what you do, and I say drop him. You've got to take care of you, and someone else's drama can't help you do that. I tried to be friends with Jay (heroin addict) after I (finally) broke up with him... but eventually realized that he still had drama and still seemed to need me - in caretaker ways I didn't want to be needed. Letting him go was one of the best things I've done. It freed up my mental/emotional capacities and my caretaking energies to focus on me. It's not selfish... it's a human necessity. You can't take care of other people when you're letting yourself fall apart.
Ana, I've known you since we were five, and you are a strong woman. You have fought the deep dark holes of depression before... and you can pull out of it again. Sending you my love!