Monday, Monday, Monday... Ugh.

I'm really wondering why my natural tendency is toward laziness. And not just some procrastination and sitting around a bit too much... I mean all-out, full-couch-flop, tv-on-nearly-48-hours-straight type of laziness. Um, yeah. I can get myself to have a good day - making job search effort, cleaning, working out, being social... and then it's like for the next couple of days I can't muster the will to get off my ass. It's not a matter of energy or not feeling up to it. I mean, when I work out I have noticeably more energy, and my body feels a LOT better.

I even made a list today of the things I'd like to accomplish - and I spread it out over the whole week. So there's just little things each day... and even unimportant, leisurely, fun things are on the list. Yet somehow, the few minor things I'd asked myself to do today... remain undone. I tried to make myself work out today... I lasted all of ten minutes. Then I ordered pizza for dinner and proceeded to eat 3/4 of it. A large chicken broccoli alfredo pizza. At least I talked myself out of the side of fries I was craving. But FIVE hours later, I'm still ridiculously full. I suppose all the water I'm drinking contributes to that... but still.

It's like I'm becoming all the things I always criticized my parents for. God, soon I'll be sitting on the couch with a five quart pail of ice cream and a spoon, shushing people for talking during my tv shows. Napping in front of the tv, waking only to complain if someone changed the channel or was too loud. Oh, and let's not forget the constant sitting... and snacking... and general building an oversized self. Ugh.

I refuse to let that be me.

Bright note: the earphones that Kevin bought me arrived today - much more comfortable than the ones that come with the iPod, and stay in my ears better too. And he called me tonight. He's having a good time... hiking in the desert... hanging in hotel hot tubs and drinking... just enjoying some new scenery. I have to admit, though, that with both him and Kelly away, I feel like I'm on sort of a mini-vacation myself. Everything is just so much more relaxed than usual, because there's really no one else to even think about.

Oh, another interesting tidbit: Jimmy called me last night. Apparently he'll be headed out soon on a ship again for a six month tour of the world, primarily humanitarian relief stuff this time. And he's hoping to come visit me for a couple days next week. It'd be cool to see him. It's been years.

Alright, the most important goals for tomorrow:
1) 45-60 min. walk outdoors (with shuffle and new earphones!)
2) Pilates/yoga combo dvd
3) Finish and submit the 3 job apps I've started
4) Complete 2 online tutorials for MS Office
5) Make appt. for a haircut

I think I'm going to try to limit my posts this week. Still each day - probably twice a day. But shorter than they've been. Skipping the self-analysis and rambling... focusing instead on action. List of important goals for the day, and report on my efforts. I want to see if this helps me focus my energy as well. Instead of overthinking and dwelling on stuff, I'm hoping to just DO things more readily. I want to create some new patterns for myself, because the old ones are pathetic.