Much better head space...

Greetings bloggers!

While I agree with Gwen's suggestion about making our posts shorter and more goal focused, I feel like I owe you both an explanation for my absence. And, odds are, it'll be longer rather than shorter. However, I promise that moving forward, I will be more "to the point" and after the progress I've made in the last few days, it'll be a hell of a lot easier too.

So, a week ago Thursday I went to the lake. It was supposed to be for the weekend...my brother was coming and, as usual, I planned to spend time with the fam up there. Somehow though, my weekend turned into a week long stay. It wasn't all bad--I golfed with my aunt and uncle and walked all 9 holes. I got some quality ME time and got a few more chapters read in my crazy Mormon book. Those things aside, the honest reason I stayed was to escape my everyday life. Sure, I was still doing next to nothing but I wasn't doing it at home, so it didn't count! Ha! I paid my bills, renewed a library book and requested my unemployment benefits from the BlackBerry but other than that, I accomplished nothing because, according to my crazy logic, I didn't have to because I wasn't at home and I didn't need to be at home because there was nothing requiring my attention. In short, my mental state wasn't at it's best and it'd be a downhill slide leading up to my week at the lake.

Why? I don't know. Frustration with the job search. With my exercise (or lack thereof). With my complete disinterest in most things except sleeping and television. I didn't even want to eat. Put it this way...if I didn't know that buliema was so bad for me and my teeth (which I've already invested a lot of $$ in) I would throw up after I ate, so I didn't have to feel bad about it! Ugh! Anyway, when I did eat, when I didn't exercise, when I slept a lot...whenever I didn't do what I was "supposed" to do, I just felt guilty. I'm the Queen of Guilt on a regular basis but I was letting it take over. Staying at the lake was my way of avoiding having to feel bad about my actions because when I'm up there, nothing counts.
Clearly that's the wrong attitude and that realization hit me hard Thursday night this week when I came home.

A couple weeks ago I was reading some of my motivation/self-help books and while they are helpful, they don't capture my attention for very long. So I thought I'd find some audio sessions. I know, I know...motivation speakers = corny but it I figured it couldn't hurt. Anyway, I rememberd some Tony Robbins my brother had left on the computer before I bought it a few years ago. I add them to my ipod with the intention of listening to them. Someday. Turns out, someday was on the drive home Thursday afternoon.

To my complete and utter surprise, I found I really enjoyed what Tony Robbins had to say! His ideas, his take on why we fail to achieve, his approach to getting what we want...I was sold. I was excited to get home and do the things he advised. Then I hit rush hour traffic in the Cities, got stressed and did nothing when I got home. And, big shocker, guilt hit hard. I tried to talk to my mom about it but it just made me more upset...I burst into tears after I managed to get her off the phone! I don't know if I'd say it was rock bottom but I was pretty down there and I knew I had to do something.

On Friday I made a fresh start. I put on Tony Robbins again, while sitting at home. I took notes and outlined my plan like he described. One of the things he stresses is that you should never leave a goal setting session without doing at least one thing to achieve it. Part of the exercise then is to outline couple initial big and little actions that you could do immediately and in the near future. Guess what...it worked!

I did the little things first and suddenly I had momentum to do the big thing on my list. By the end of the day, I'd done them all!

Some specifics...my goal is to lose weight. I have to do it. For my physical health and my mental health. One of my "little actions" which turned into a big action, was to find an appropriate peer group. One of the things Tony talks about is that you need to surround yourself with people that are already at the level you want to reach. As in, if you were going to learn tennis, you should play against someone better than you because you won't learn from someone who knows less than you. I decided that I really, really need a coach for my project. Since I can't afford a real one, I thought about all the people I know who are living the fit and healthy life I want to live and I think I found the perfect person to guide me...my brother. He is in great shape. I know it's taken him awhile to get where he wants to be but he's still working at it and he's had TREMENDOUS success. Trust me; the before and after pictures of his recent efforts alone are amazing. Luckily, he didn't have plans last night so we met for dinner and worked out a way to make this happen. It will actually be good for both of us--I need a coach and he needs practice being one. This is something he wants to do but he sometimes is a little to harsh, too preachy and I can help him with that.

Anyway, after our planning session last night, I felt really renewed in my efforts. Even though I didn't get up as early as I hoped today, I still did all the things we discussed, including a good brunch, 30 minutes of yoga and an email update to Nick. He even called me because he hadn't gotten it by the time he thought he should. After I sent it, he sent back a FABULOUS reply; so supportive and positive...I was stunned but it made me feel great.

Anyway, I've managed to find a much better head space and I'm really excited about it. I'm taking this effort seriously...I've enlisted my bro because I know he'll kick my ass. I've even told him how much I weigh! Ahh! I used to think he'd judge me but with this...I KNOW he's been where I am and he won't think less of me.

At present, I'm working on my grocery list and have tentative plans to go to the farmers' market in Mpls with Nick tomorrow morning so I can get good veggies. I'm supposed to go to a going away party for a friend who is leaving for Marine boot camp but it's 45 minutes away and I really don't want to stay out late.

Alas, I apologize for the lengthy entry. I felt like you guys deserved to know what was going on. I'm sure I'm not going to be this happy and motivated ALL the time but I am right now and I'm proud of it. Oh, and I highly recommend Tony Robbins' "Get the Edge" series. Shameless plug. ;)