I had intended to do something blog-worthy today. But then I fell asleep on the couch. And I don't even know how long I was sleeping... but I'm guessing a few hours. Argh.
I have only worked out once in the past week. And my body feels stiff and slow because of it.
I haven't been doing the dishes.
I haven't been really working on the job search, or finding contacts in publishing to ask for advice.
I haven't been doing anything, really.
My mind has great moments of imagination and fun... but I don't actually DO anything. Stupid.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
My Belated Update
I'm back from my blogging hiatus!
The break was unintended and unplanned...I just need a few days away from people. You know, a few days in my own little universe with just strangers. It was very enjoyable and mildly productive.
Monday was sleep/recovery from weekend day. It was also dentist day. I did some job searching and a 30 minute run/walk. Wednesday I worked out for about an hour (yoga, rollerblading, weights). Yesterday I read for a while and did some circuit weight training and a 15 minute interval run/walk. My mom and I went out to eat (Chinese) and to WalMart where I got some herbs for my deck. They are potted and ready to grow!
Today....I've done nothing so far. Except for learning that if I can find a way to make some extra cash in May, I CAN afford to go to DC for my friend's 30th birthday weekend. I've already got free lodging and the plane tix are cheapcheap...I just need to secure some income, a few hundred bucks. My parents are going to help me brainstorm; I'm hoping you guys can too. Who knows... maybe my dad will cave and give me frequent flyer miles or they'll figure it as my birthday present or something. I'd love to surprise Maureen and see my DC peeps.
So, aside from breakfast and coffee, that has been my focus this morning. And OMG it's already noon! I mean, I was up at 9 (after I woke up at 5 and went back to sleep, of course). Not nearly as warm today as yesterday (85!) and possible rain this afternoon which means I need to get a workout in. Or I could just do yoga. I must do something.
Tomorrow I'm headed to the parents house to clean. I'll probably go to the driving range. I think I'll spend the night and take advantage of an empty house, a big screen tv and free laundry, too.
Not much else to report. My life is pretty boring these days. I read, I eat, I sleep, I workout, I watch tv. I wait for the IRS to call. Very exciting, right?
Hope you are both well. Gwen, I made good on our pact yesterday...did you?
k.
The break was unintended and unplanned...I just need a few days away from people. You know, a few days in my own little universe with just strangers. It was very enjoyable and mildly productive.
Monday was sleep/recovery from weekend day. It was also dentist day. I did some job searching and a 30 minute run/walk. Wednesday I worked out for about an hour (yoga, rollerblading, weights). Yesterday I read for a while and did some circuit weight training and a 15 minute interval run/walk. My mom and I went out to eat (Chinese) and to WalMart where I got some herbs for my deck. They are potted and ready to grow!
Today....I've done nothing so far. Except for learning that if I can find a way to make some extra cash in May, I CAN afford to go to DC for my friend's 30th birthday weekend. I've already got free lodging and the plane tix are cheapcheap...I just need to secure some income, a few hundred bucks. My parents are going to help me brainstorm; I'm hoping you guys can too. Who knows... maybe my dad will cave and give me frequent flyer miles or they'll figure it as my birthday present or something. I'd love to surprise Maureen and see my DC peeps.
So, aside from breakfast and coffee, that has been my focus this morning. And OMG it's already noon! I mean, I was up at 9 (after I woke up at 5 and went back to sleep, of course). Not nearly as warm today as yesterday (85!) and possible rain this afternoon which means I need to get a workout in. Or I could just do yoga. I must do something.
Tomorrow I'm headed to the parents house to clean. I'll probably go to the driving range. I think I'll spend the night and take advantage of an empty house, a big screen tv and free laundry, too.
Not much else to report. My life is pretty boring these days. I read, I eat, I sleep, I workout, I watch tv. I wait for the IRS to call. Very exciting, right?
Hope you are both well. Gwen, I made good on our pact yesterday...did you?
k.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Finally Coming Out of the Funk
So after basically wasting a week, doing almost nothing useful or productive and spending too much time asleep, in front of the tv, or both... well, I'm feeling a little more alive. Kevin got me to leave the house last night to go see (or rather, not see, as it got rained out) the Red Sox game. It was kind of nice, though, just hanging out with him at Fenway, people watching for awhile. And then we got to do it again today! It was gorgeous when we got to the park.... and started raining in about the 5th. But the Sox were kicking some Twins ass anyway, so the early rainout was fine. (Yes, rubbing it in a little. Hehe.)
So in the past week I've accomplished.... um... I cleaned out the litter box a couple times... I worked out once or twice... and that's about it. No job progress. No "me" progress - in fact, probably a step back a bit there, albeit temporary (I hope!). And no fitness progress, since even the couple workouts I did were a bit toned down.
Tomorrow, though, I've got all day to myself. And if I get to bed soon, I probably won't sleep in too late. So tomorrow's goals are few, but important.
1) I will work out. This will include phase one of the Body+Soul mag. plan for getting my body accustomed to jogging. This will also include a pilates dvd, and - if my muscles still feel up to it - a yoga sequence as well. God will that feel good.
2) I will send at least four requests for "informational interviews" with people who work in publishing in the Boston area. I will use my LinkedIn networks. I will also contact at least one Body+Soul editor, as well as the Kripalu writer whose work I like and blog I follow.
2a) I will search out the latest job postings for the Boston area. It's been like a week and a half since I looked. Argh.
3) I will do laundry. And I will keep going until I run out of quarters. Instead of finding my pathetic laundry habits amusing, like I used to, I'm coming to find them annoying. However, not having clean clothes that fit me does (well, in addition to making me feel a little bad) motivate me to work out.
OK... hoping for a good tomorrow - for all of us! Hope you're well, sending you my love, and looking forward to hearing from you both!
So in the past week I've accomplished.... um... I cleaned out the litter box a couple times... I worked out once or twice... and that's about it. No job progress. No "me" progress - in fact, probably a step back a bit there, albeit temporary (I hope!). And no fitness progress, since even the couple workouts I did were a bit toned down.
Tomorrow, though, I've got all day to myself. And if I get to bed soon, I probably won't sleep in too late. So tomorrow's goals are few, but important.
1) I will work out. This will include phase one of the Body+Soul mag. plan for getting my body accustomed to jogging. This will also include a pilates dvd, and - if my muscles still feel up to it - a yoga sequence as well. God will that feel good.
2) I will send at least four requests for "informational interviews" with people who work in publishing in the Boston area. I will use my LinkedIn networks. I will also contact at least one Body+Soul editor, as well as the Kripalu writer whose work I like and blog I follow.
2a) I will search out the latest job postings for the Boston area. It's been like a week and a half since I looked. Argh.
3) I will do laundry. And I will keep going until I run out of quarters. Instead of finding my pathetic laundry habits amusing, like I used to, I'm coming to find them annoying. However, not having clean clothes that fit me does (well, in addition to making me feel a little bad) motivate me to work out.
OK... hoping for a good tomorrow - for all of us! Hope you're well, sending you my love, and looking forward to hearing from you both!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
And, Fail
Not really surprised. Can't shake the "blah" these last few days.
I did put the shelf together last night. I did sort of clean up my space (although, a lot of the mess just got moved around). Did not work out. At all. Sat on the couch watching tv. I did sleep in my own bed, though. Yeah, that means I got the piles of laundry and other mess off of it.
I spent some time online doing a little research and formulating reasonable plans for people I should make contact with for my job search/networking. That's the big job item I HAVE to do this week. I've got to get out of my rut, out of my hole, hell, out of my house.
I tried making a schedule for myself. I am terrible about sticking to my own arbitrary schedules. So I'm back to listing a handful of goals for the day. Some small, some big... but all do-able. Looking back at my efforts, I think this goals method allows me to feel more successful, but to adapt readily for how I'm feeling each day, and for whatever opportunities may come up.
Today's goals:
1) Clean out litter boxes
2) Take out trash
3) Vaccuum apartment
4) Laundry (at least two loads completed)
5) Work out: pilates and yoga
6) Job Search: search and print new postings of interest, create draft of cold-contact letter to get informational interviews with local publishing professionals
And since I agreed to go to tonight's Red Sox game (Twins are in town - but I've been here long enough, I'm a Sox girl now), I'm on a deadline for all of this. I've only got a few hours. I suppose this means I have to get off the computer and move my ass. OK... attempting to do something useful. Although CNN is still on the living room tv, and seems to call my name. Hmmm...
I did put the shelf together last night. I did sort of clean up my space (although, a lot of the mess just got moved around). Did not work out. At all. Sat on the couch watching tv. I did sleep in my own bed, though. Yeah, that means I got the piles of laundry and other mess off of it.
I spent some time online doing a little research and formulating reasonable plans for people I should make contact with for my job search/networking. That's the big job item I HAVE to do this week. I've got to get out of my rut, out of my hole, hell, out of my house.
I tried making a schedule for myself. I am terrible about sticking to my own arbitrary schedules. So I'm back to listing a handful of goals for the day. Some small, some big... but all do-able. Looking back at my efforts, I think this goals method allows me to feel more successful, but to adapt readily for how I'm feeling each day, and for whatever opportunities may come up.
Today's goals:
1) Clean out litter boxes
2) Take out trash
3) Vaccuum apartment
4) Laundry (at least two loads completed)
5) Work out: pilates and yoga
6) Job Search: search and print new postings of interest, create draft of cold-contact letter to get informational interviews with local publishing professionals
And since I agreed to go to tonight's Red Sox game (Twins are in town - but I've been here long enough, I'm a Sox girl now), I'm on a deadline for all of this. I've only got a few hours. I suppose this means I have to get off the computer and move my ass. OK... attempting to do something useful. Although CNN is still on the living room tv, and seems to call my name. Hmmm...
Monday, April 20, 2009
I = Lazy Blob
All day yesterday... most of today (so far). Yeah. Lots of television... even slept on the couch most of the night. Then when I heard Kelly get up, I moved into my room, crawled onto the one part of my bed that wasn't covered in junk, and went back to sleep until after noon.
So again I am asking myself WTF!?
After I got up today, I went to Target. I decided that since I want to buy clothes so badly, and am actually in need of workout clothes so that I don't have to do laundry more than once a week, I could buy some cheap ones there. I refuse to buy "real" clothes until my body gets back into a size I like - and into most of the clothes I already own.
Today's a holiday (only in MA, it's Patriot's Day - aka Boston Marathon Day), which I somehow used to justify my lazy-ass behavior. But since every day is entirely up to me, I know how ridiculous I'm being.
At least it's only 4:30. I'm going to get off my computer, put together the shelf that arrived today (for over the litter box... finally!), and clean up some of the catastrophe that is my bedroom. And I WILL work out today. Probably not outside, since rains are coming, but pilates and yoga. Perhaps in some of my new target workout clothes.
So again I am asking myself WTF!?
After I got up today, I went to Target. I decided that since I want to buy clothes so badly, and am actually in need of workout clothes so that I don't have to do laundry more than once a week, I could buy some cheap ones there. I refuse to buy "real" clothes until my body gets back into a size I like - and into most of the clothes I already own.
Today's a holiday (only in MA, it's Patriot's Day - aka Boston Marathon Day), which I somehow used to justify my lazy-ass behavior. But since every day is entirely up to me, I know how ridiculous I'm being.
At least it's only 4:30. I'm going to get off my computer, put together the shelf that arrived today (for over the litter box... finally!), and clean up some of the catastrophe that is my bedroom. And I WILL work out today. Probably not outside, since rains are coming, but pilates and yoga. Perhaps in some of my new target workout clothes.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
One Small Victory Against Slacker-dom
Spending nights at Kevin's house is common for me. And it has some really nice features - including his bed which is way comfier than mine. But I'm realizing it has some downsides as well. The main one is that on weekends (and even weekdays, to be honest, since his work schedule is up to him) he likes to sleep in. The last couple days, we've gone to bed at a perfectly reasonable hour (11:30pm). Friday morning, we both were awake at 7:30. Now, rational me said "Get up!" However, lazy me overruled and decided to stay in bed. The alarm wouldn't go off for another two hours... I was comfortable... Kevin was staying in bed till the alarm... I wanted to stay there with Kevin... blah blah blah. When the 9:30 alarm did go off, well, we were both groggy and just... well, you know how it is when you oversleep.
So last night when he mentioned sleeping in way late - as in after noon - I said I might just get up and go when I felt awake. I hate that oversleeping feeling. And it just indulges my slacker side. It feeds my slow side. It fuels that part of me that just wants to do nothing for the rest of the day. And when the end of the day comes, I feel like a waste. So today I had my car over there, and when I was feeling awake, I just got up, kissed his sleepy head goodbye and headed home. Watched some CNN, did some pokey stuff online, signed up for a summer term class (woohoo!)... I had a lovely workout - pilates dvd and a yoga dvd. And now I'm blogging. Feeling good throughout my body. Breathing deeply. And hoping my strawberries are still good so I can have them with yogurt for a lovely snack. Yum!
I'm going to spend some time planning today to. Making a schedule for the coming week. I feel like a big part of my problem accomplishing anything is that I have no routine. So I'm going to try to make one. Block out specific times for workouts. (And, consulting the forecasts, include time to begin my "becoming a jogger" regimen from the magazine.) Block out specific times when I will do certain job search stuff. Of course, there will still be huge blocks of free time... but I feel like they'll be more enjoyable if I know I've already set aside specific time to accomplish the things I need to do. You know? Instead of procrastinating, having a schedule. Anyway, crossing my fingers on this one.
I hope your weekend is treating you well! HUGS!
So last night when he mentioned sleeping in way late - as in after noon - I said I might just get up and go when I felt awake. I hate that oversleeping feeling. And it just indulges my slacker side. It feeds my slow side. It fuels that part of me that just wants to do nothing for the rest of the day. And when the end of the day comes, I feel like a waste. So today I had my car over there, and when I was feeling awake, I just got up, kissed his sleepy head goodbye and headed home. Watched some CNN, did some pokey stuff online, signed up for a summer term class (woohoo!)... I had a lovely workout - pilates dvd and a yoga dvd. And now I'm blogging. Feeling good throughout my body. Breathing deeply. And hoping my strawberries are still good so I can have them with yogurt for a lovely snack. Yum!
I'm going to spend some time planning today to. Making a schedule for the coming week. I feel like a big part of my problem accomplishing anything is that I have no routine. So I'm going to try to make one. Block out specific times for workouts. (And, consulting the forecasts, include time to begin my "becoming a jogger" regimen from the magazine.) Block out specific times when I will do certain job search stuff. Of course, there will still be huge blocks of free time... but I feel like they'll be more enjoyable if I know I've already set aside specific time to accomplish the things I need to do. You know? Instead of procrastinating, having a schedule. Anyway, crossing my fingers on this one.
I hope your weekend is treating you well! HUGS!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Happy weekend!
Greetings!
I'm off to up north again in a few minutes with my mom, Fran and Taylor. I wanted to post again before I departed!
Yesterday I did as I wanted...I got a nice "at-home" workout in. I did 45 minutes of core, arms and legs. It felt great. I also went to the driving range for about 45 minutes to practice my swing. Not as bad I expected but not as good as I hoped. I see a few more golf lessons in my future. :) I had dinner and surprisingly good/intelligent conversation with my mom and brother, too.
This morning I meant to go to 9:30 yoga but after my workout and range time, I created some serious knots in my neck. I massaged them out as best I good and got out the Bengay. It feels better now, esp after a hot shower, but it's still pretty tender. Instead, I cleaned up and vaccuumed. Met my dad in FL for a late lunch and then cleaned out my car before my mom got home.
We are headed to Klausens' momentarily but I hope you both have fab weekends!!
k.
I'm off to up north again in a few minutes with my mom, Fran and Taylor. I wanted to post again before I departed!
Yesterday I did as I wanted...I got a nice "at-home" workout in. I did 45 minutes of core, arms and legs. It felt great. I also went to the driving range for about 45 minutes to practice my swing. Not as bad I expected but not as good as I hoped. I see a few more golf lessons in my future. :) I had dinner and surprisingly good/intelligent conversation with my mom and brother, too.
This morning I meant to go to 9:30 yoga but after my workout and range time, I created some serious knots in my neck. I massaged them out as best I good and got out the Bengay. It feels better now, esp after a hot shower, but it's still pretty tender. Instead, I cleaned up and vaccuumed. Met my dad in FL for a late lunch and then cleaned out my car before my mom got home.
We are headed to Klausens' momentarily but I hope you both have fab weekends!!
k.
I Am A Slacker
Yes, it's true. The one actually important thing I needed to do this week... the one thing that has consequences... the one thing that would alleviate stress and give me some routine and purpose... is the one thing I have not done. There's really no good reason why I didn't apply for jobs this week. I just didn't. I could use Jimmy's visit as an excuse... but he was only here a couple days. I could easily have still gotten it in.
I also slacked on my workouts. I didn't abandon them entirely... but didn't keep up either. Today my new yoga dvds arrived, though. Namaste Yoga, Season 2. Hooray! I was thinking about heading back outside with a book (today is gorgeous, and the only nice day we'll have for the next week or so), but when Namaste and the new issue of Body+Soul magazine got here... I couldn't help but do some yoga.
One career idea that I really need to put more energy toward (my shyness and irrational fears of going out of my way, making an idiot of myself, and irritating people... they're all in my way on this one) is meeting people in publishing and getting their advice. I don't know anyone. And I don't know anyone who knows anyone. So this means cold contact. And probably a whole lot of unanswered letters/emails/calls. I detest the thought. But I'm clearly missing something in what I'm sending for these publishing jobs... and I'd like to be more noticeable. Plus, Body+Soul (which is currently my absolute favorite magazine) is published only a few miles from my house. And through their website (and even Facebook for some of them) it's pretty easy to get contact information for the editors and regular writers and stuff. Not sure what's holding me back from just trying to get in touch with a few people and seeing what happens. They don't know me... so I don't have anything to lose if they ignore me or are annoyed.
I think this should be a major goal for me next week. I need to make a plan over the weekend, and get in touch with at least three people in the Body+Soul offices to ask for a short informational interview, just to get advice on breaking into publishing. Because the more I think about the possibilities within that industry, the more I want to be in it.
Tangent (though somewhat related): The issue that arrived in the mail today includes an article on how to get yourself to start running. Like, how to move from complete couch potato to a regular jogging habit. And it's got a detailed plan for how to proceed slowly and methodically to get your body used to it over time. I'm psyched because I keep toying with the idea of becoming a "runner" but every time I am out for a walk and run just a few minutes, I am out of breath and hating the idea again. Well, the article held the answers as to why my body reacts this way... and how to do it right. I confess, every Bostonian feels this urge come on in April - the Boston Marathon (and the corresponding state holiday Patriot's Day) is this coming Monday. But this is a growing desire I've had for almost a year now. And having an actual plan in front of me - and one that is clearly do-able even starting from scratch - makes me think that maybe I can actually get myself to become one of those people who jog so peacefully by the river in the afternoon, in their own world and their fit bodies.
Anyway, I'm off to, well, I don't know. I've got a little picking up to do around the house, and then I'm off to Kevin's. But we have no plans. Which probably means doing something lazy. I need to come up with fun and active things for us to do... in the impending crap weather, I see the WiiFit coming out this weekend. Teehee! And I'm going to try to eat healthfully, maybe even persuading him into a grocery store adventure.
Happy Weekend! Here's hoping the slacker in me falls by the wayside!
I also slacked on my workouts. I didn't abandon them entirely... but didn't keep up either. Today my new yoga dvds arrived, though. Namaste Yoga, Season 2. Hooray! I was thinking about heading back outside with a book (today is gorgeous, and the only nice day we'll have for the next week or so), but when Namaste and the new issue of Body+Soul magazine got here... I couldn't help but do some yoga.
One career idea that I really need to put more energy toward (my shyness and irrational fears of going out of my way, making an idiot of myself, and irritating people... they're all in my way on this one) is meeting people in publishing and getting their advice. I don't know anyone. And I don't know anyone who knows anyone. So this means cold contact. And probably a whole lot of unanswered letters/emails/calls. I detest the thought. But I'm clearly missing something in what I'm sending for these publishing jobs... and I'd like to be more noticeable. Plus, Body+Soul (which is currently my absolute favorite magazine) is published only a few miles from my house. And through their website (and even Facebook for some of them) it's pretty easy to get contact information for the editors and regular writers and stuff. Not sure what's holding me back from just trying to get in touch with a few people and seeing what happens. They don't know me... so I don't have anything to lose if they ignore me or are annoyed.
I think this should be a major goal for me next week. I need to make a plan over the weekend, and get in touch with at least three people in the Body+Soul offices to ask for a short informational interview, just to get advice on breaking into publishing. Because the more I think about the possibilities within that industry, the more I want to be in it.
Tangent (though somewhat related): The issue that arrived in the mail today includes an article on how to get yourself to start running. Like, how to move from complete couch potato to a regular jogging habit. And it's got a detailed plan for how to proceed slowly and methodically to get your body used to it over time. I'm psyched because I keep toying with the idea of becoming a "runner" but every time I am out for a walk and run just a few minutes, I am out of breath and hating the idea again. Well, the article held the answers as to why my body reacts this way... and how to do it right. I confess, every Bostonian feels this urge come on in April - the Boston Marathon (and the corresponding state holiday Patriot's Day) is this coming Monday. But this is a growing desire I've had for almost a year now. And having an actual plan in front of me - and one that is clearly do-able even starting from scratch - makes me think that maybe I can actually get myself to become one of those people who jog so peacefully by the river in the afternoon, in their own world and their fit bodies.
Anyway, I'm off to, well, I don't know. I've got a little picking up to do around the house, and then I'm off to Kevin's. But we have no plans. Which probably means doing something lazy. I need to come up with fun and active things for us to do... in the impending crap weather, I see the WiiFit coming out this weekend. Teehee! And I'm going to try to eat healthfully, maybe even persuading him into a grocery store adventure.
Happy Weekend! Here's hoping the slacker in me falls by the wayside!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
"I have a 'whoopie' and a 'but'..."
Ok so.
Since I posted last, my emotional state has greatly improved. Tuesday night I went shopping...got some spring/summer clothes, deck furniture and groceries. Retail therapy always feels good.
Yesterday I sat on the deck and read my current book...Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer. It's about crazy Mormon fundamentalists. So far, so good! Then later, I went to 6:30 yoga.
Today...not as successful as I'd hoped. I planned on going to 6am cycle class only because I find myself waking up at 5am anyway (before going back to sleep). Except last night I didn't get to sleep until 1, so 5 was a little early. I also decided it was a little creepy. I mean, it's still dark out at 5:40 when I would leave for the gym and that skeevs me out. Not sure why but I don't think I'll be going to 6am class until it's light out. Alas, after getting up around 10, I made delicious chocolate chip pancakes and had planned to go to noon yoga instead. Um...no. I had to finish a project for my mom and I'm too wired and it's too nice out for me to go sit in a dark room. I just wasn't certain I would be able to focus. And I just about died at last nights class. My nose has been kind of stuff and I'm pretty sure breathing through just my nose is NOT getting me enough air...I was seriously out of breath. At yoga class. WTF! Plus she did this move that brought home how weak my core really is. SO, I have every intention of working out at home today, focusing on my core.
Anyway, project is done and so are the dishes (and I can totally relate to that being a indicator of my life--I'm going to have to read that thing you suggested, Gwen!). I posted Easter weekend pictures on Facebook. Confirmed Monday's dentist appointment. I want to sit on the deck some more. I'm headed to FL for dinner tonight but think I might go early and hit some balls at the driving range (also a workout!). All is well.
But...I do have one dilemma and I need some input. Last week, I applied for a job at the IRS office here in St. Paul. It was a long process but the closing date was Friday so I had to get it done. I was (and still am) very excited about the position and think that I'm fairly well qualified. Apparently, the IRS employment office thinks so too. Yesterday I got email that said:
"Your application for the above position was received and processed in accordance with the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) guidelines. Based upon your online vacancy responses, you were found to be among the well qualified applicants for this position."
In short, whoopie. I'm super pumped. Not super surprised really but super excited. Until I read the next part:
"In four to six weeks you will be receiving correspondence via e-mail, postal mail, or by telephone, informing you of the next step in the application process."
Ummm...FOUR TO SIX WEEKS? But WTF am I supposed to do in the meantime!?! I will obviously keep applying for other stuff but I really want THIS job. Certainly there is no guarantee I will get it even after an interview but I don't want have to turn it down because they took so long. Then again, I'm not sure that collecting unemployment for the next four to six weeks will be enough $$$. I could tell my parents and they would probably help me out but then if I interview and DON'T get it, I'm still screwed and low on money.
What do I do?
Since I posted last, my emotional state has greatly improved. Tuesday night I went shopping...got some spring/summer clothes, deck furniture and groceries. Retail therapy always feels good.
Yesterday I sat on the deck and read my current book...Under the Banner of Heaven by Jon Krakauer. It's about crazy Mormon fundamentalists. So far, so good! Then later, I went to 6:30 yoga.
Today...not as successful as I'd hoped. I planned on going to 6am cycle class only because I find myself waking up at 5am anyway (before going back to sleep). Except last night I didn't get to sleep until 1, so 5 was a little early. I also decided it was a little creepy. I mean, it's still dark out at 5:40 when I would leave for the gym and that skeevs me out. Not sure why but I don't think I'll be going to 6am class until it's light out. Alas, after getting up around 10, I made delicious chocolate chip pancakes and had planned to go to noon yoga instead. Um...no. I had to finish a project for my mom and I'm too wired and it's too nice out for me to go sit in a dark room. I just wasn't certain I would be able to focus. And I just about died at last nights class. My nose has been kind of stuff and I'm pretty sure breathing through just my nose is NOT getting me enough air...I was seriously out of breath. At yoga class. WTF! Plus she did this move that brought home how weak my core really is. SO, I have every intention of working out at home today, focusing on my core.
Anyway, project is done and so are the dishes (and I can totally relate to that being a indicator of my life--I'm going to have to read that thing you suggested, Gwen!). I posted Easter weekend pictures on Facebook. Confirmed Monday's dentist appointment. I want to sit on the deck some more. I'm headed to FL for dinner tonight but think I might go early and hit some balls at the driving range (also a workout!). All is well.
But...I do have one dilemma and I need some input. Last week, I applied for a job at the IRS office here in St. Paul. It was a long process but the closing date was Friday so I had to get it done. I was (and still am) very excited about the position and think that I'm fairly well qualified. Apparently, the IRS employment office thinks so too. Yesterday I got email that said:
"Your application for the above position was received and processed in accordance with the Office of Personnel Management (OPM) guidelines. Based upon your online vacancy responses, you were found to be among the well qualified applicants for this position."
In short, whoopie. I'm super pumped. Not super surprised really but super excited. Until I read the next part:
"In four to six weeks you will be receiving correspondence via e-mail, postal mail, or by telephone, informing you of the next step in the application process."
Ummm...FOUR TO SIX WEEKS? But WTF am I supposed to do in the meantime!?! I will obviously keep applying for other stuff but I really want THIS job. Certainly there is no guarantee I will get it even after an interview but I don't want have to turn it down because they took so long. Then again, I'm not sure that collecting unemployment for the next four to six weeks will be enough $$$. I could tell my parents and they would probably help me out but then if I interview and DON'T get it, I'm still screwed and low on money.
What do I do?
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
As I Expected
Wandering around town with Jim is a good time. Good to hang out with him... and lots of walking involved. I skipped my workout yesterday because of it, but feel confident that the walking made up for it. Today will probably be the same.
And Kevin came home this morning! Psyched to see him. :-)
And Kevin came home this morning! Psyched to see him. :-)
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Atrophy of Life
I apologize for being MIA for so long. I actually wrote this post earlier today (Tuesday) but apparently hit “save” and not “post” so you aren’t getting it until now.
The weekend went as expected…some work and too much fun (and booze) and no time to blog. I never even had a chance to nap! I made it back to my apartment around 10pm on Sunday and I went to bed soon after. I knew I would sleep well and for a long time but I thought I was ready to start a new week. I was wrong.
I woke up yesterday morning with no energy and no interest in doing anything but sleep. I
figured as long as I made it to cycle class at 6:30 I could be lazy. I never made it to class. I didn’t think I had the energy or the focus to get to the gym and give it my all. Instead, I showered and then spent much of the day asleep in bed or on the couch…tired, distracted and feeling like I could cry (but I didn’t). I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone and I was asleep before 11.
Before I went to bed, I made a list of things I wanted to get done on Tuesday (including noon yoga) in an effort to motivate myself and not repeat Monday. It didn’t work. I had breakfast around 10. Napped, read, skipped yoga. Now I’m blogging. I still have no desire to do anything. I don’t really want to sleep but doing so allows me to hide from the world and time goes by faster. I’m still in this emotional funk that I can’t explain.
I have things to do. Things I need to get. The weather looks nice. I just…don’t care. And I don’t know what my problem is. I was great last week and fine this weekend; my circumstances haven’t changed a bit since. I don’t think I’m succumbing to the IT you’ve both spoken of, mostly because my anti-IT drugs have worked thus far and I’m still taking them and I know if I work PAST the bad, they do what they are supposed to do.
Perhaps it’s that my weekend was too much fun and I can’t handle the letdown of my empty everyday life? Maybe it’s because I have nothing planned in the near future, nothing to look forward to that I’m anxious to make the boring time pass quickly? Because I have no commitments that I think it’s okay to do nothing? Or is it because everyone I know works all day and has their life to deal with at night that I’m lonely? Could it be because I’ve figured out that if I don’t do anything I won’t be hungry so I don’t have to eat and feel guilty?
This feels like bizarre universe and I don’t like it one bit. If I could hit myself to knock me back into reality, I would. Alas, I’m going to go shower and see if I can get myself out the door to do…something.
The weekend went as expected…some work and too much fun (and booze) and no time to blog. I never even had a chance to nap! I made it back to my apartment around 10pm on Sunday and I went to bed soon after. I knew I would sleep well and for a long time but I thought I was ready to start a new week. I was wrong.
I woke up yesterday morning with no energy and no interest in doing anything but sleep. I
figured as long as I made it to cycle class at 6:30 I could be lazy. I never made it to class. I didn’t think I had the energy or the focus to get to the gym and give it my all. Instead, I showered and then spent much of the day asleep in bed or on the couch…tired, distracted and feeling like I could cry (but I didn’t). I didn’t want to see or talk to anyone and I was asleep before 11.
Before I went to bed, I made a list of things I wanted to get done on Tuesday (including noon yoga) in an effort to motivate myself and not repeat Monday. It didn’t work. I had breakfast around 10. Napped, read, skipped yoga. Now I’m blogging. I still have no desire to do anything. I don’t really want to sleep but doing so allows me to hide from the world and time goes by faster. I’m still in this emotional funk that I can’t explain.
I have things to do. Things I need to get. The weather looks nice. I just…don’t care. And I don’t know what my problem is. I was great last week and fine this weekend; my circumstances haven’t changed a bit since. I don’t think I’m succumbing to the IT you’ve both spoken of, mostly because my anti-IT drugs have worked thus far and I’m still taking them and I know if I work PAST the bad, they do what they are supposed to do.
Perhaps it’s that my weekend was too much fun and I can’t handle the letdown of my empty everyday life? Maybe it’s because I have nothing planned in the near future, nothing to look forward to that I’m anxious to make the boring time pass quickly? Because I have no commitments that I think it’s okay to do nothing? Or is it because everyone I know works all day and has their life to deal with at night that I’m lonely? Could it be because I’ve figured out that if I don’t do anything I won’t be hungry so I don’t have to eat and feel guilty?
This feels like bizarre universe and I don’t like it one bit. If I could hit myself to knock me back into reality, I would. Alas, I’m going to go shower and see if I can get myself out the door to do…something.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Monday is Always Monday... Even Without a Job
Somehow I slept in until 1:30pm today. WTF?! Ran some errands... putzed at my computer... bought things I maybe shouldn't have, but they'll add to my happiness (new sheets!)... watched some tv... did some more crosswords and kenken puzzles...
Note that in that list of activities, there is no mention of applying to jobs. I don't know why I keep putting it off. It only puts off getting hired somewhere. Argh. And the odds of me getting much done on it in the next few days is slim to none. I'm headed out in a few minutes to pick up Jimmy from the airport, and he'll be here until Thursday morning. I'm going to try to fit some of it in... just because I'd feel too guilty going a whole week without doing something... but we'll see. Plus, Kevin gets back on Wednesday, so I'll be wanting to spend time with him too. I must find some time to set aside for the job search, and be really devoted and productive during that time.
I did, however, get a workout in this evening. A pilates DVD (what else?) and a sequence from Namaste Yoga. Mmmm... do my muscles and lungs feel good now. Oh, and I ordered the DVDs of Season 2 of Namaste Yoga. I'm a bit sad that there were only ever two seasons of it made. Then again, they're so amazing I can keep doing them over and over without finding them at all tedious or boring. So there's something to that.
Note that in that list of activities, there is no mention of applying to jobs. I don't know why I keep putting it off. It only puts off getting hired somewhere. Argh. And the odds of me getting much done on it in the next few days is slim to none. I'm headed out in a few minutes to pick up Jimmy from the airport, and he'll be here until Thursday morning. I'm going to try to fit some of it in... just because I'd feel too guilty going a whole week without doing something... but we'll see. Plus, Kevin gets back on Wednesday, so I'll be wanting to spend time with him too. I must find some time to set aside for the job search, and be really devoted and productive during that time.
I did, however, get a workout in this evening. A pilates DVD (what else?) and a sequence from Namaste Yoga. Mmmm... do my muscles and lungs feel good now. Oh, and I ordered the DVDs of Season 2 of Namaste Yoga. I'm a bit sad that there were only ever two seasons of it made. Then again, they're so amazing I can keep doing them over and over without finding them at all tedious or boring. So there's something to that.
Too lazy to come up with a title
Ok, I'm writing this while at work, granted on my lunch break, so I'm going to keep this short and hopefully I'll write more this afternoon when I get home from work. Sorry that I haven't been so good about the blog thing. I could come up with all the excuses in the world and none of them would suffice. I've had a bad couple of weeks with depression and am beginning to think that I'm succumbing to IT again. At the moment it's so hard to accomplish the littlest of tasks (ie taking a shower, actually doing something with my hair for work, blogging...). I don't feel like talking to anyone, I'm constantly crabby and crying and all I want to do is just curl up in a ball and sleep. The only thing that keeps me from doing that is if I don't go to work I'll lose my job and that would look bad on a resume.
Anyway, as a recap of last week I did end up going to the gym, once, and i felt good about it. I did about 30 min. on this half bike half elliptical machine thingy but i forgot that after two months of doing absolutely nothing and still having to walk with a cane that I should take it slow. It just frustrates me that I actually WANT to work out and I'm not able to do a whole lot. As for eating I did ok, my mom helped me with that, but I still splurged on pizza (ate the whole damn thing) and ice cream. Other than that all I do is go to work, come home, sit on the couch until it's time to go to bed and oh yeah eating most of that time.
Gwen, I completely understand and have also realized the connection between my dishes and my life. Does it ever make you crabbier having to look at the dirty dishes but you just dont' have the energy or desire to do anything about it?
On top of everything else Tom, aka lawyer boy- aka dumbass, called and is going through some rough times and he doesn't have anyone else to help him through it. So, after all he put me through I'm, once again, playing the good friend. I'm torn between helping him, because he really needs some help (depression and is currently on suicide watch) and letting him go. I'm definitely over him just not completely healed from the way he hurt me.
Anyway, I better get back to work. Ugh.
Anyway, as a recap of last week I did end up going to the gym, once, and i felt good about it. I did about 30 min. on this half bike half elliptical machine thingy but i forgot that after two months of doing absolutely nothing and still having to walk with a cane that I should take it slow. It just frustrates me that I actually WANT to work out and I'm not able to do a whole lot. As for eating I did ok, my mom helped me with that, but I still splurged on pizza (ate the whole damn thing) and ice cream. Other than that all I do is go to work, come home, sit on the couch until it's time to go to bed and oh yeah eating most of that time.
Gwen, I completely understand and have also realized the connection between my dishes and my life. Does it ever make you crabbier having to look at the dirty dishes but you just dont' have the energy or desire to do anything about it?
On top of everything else Tom, aka lawyer boy- aka dumbass, called and is going through some rough times and he doesn't have anyone else to help him through it. So, after all he put me through I'm, once again, playing the good friend. I'm torn between helping him, because he really needs some help (depression and is currently on suicide watch) and letting him go. I'm definitely over him just not completely healed from the way he hurt me.
Anyway, I better get back to work. Ugh.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Turns Out Some Effort Is Better Than None
Stepped on the scale today. I wasn't expecting to see any change... I mean, I've been pretty half-hearted about my dedication to this whole getting healthy thing. I've been working out more days than not (though not by much), but am very on and off (ok, mostly off) with the healthy eating thing. I was suprised to see, though, that even half-hearted efforts have brought me down 5 pounds in the last couple weeks. Yay! I'd still like to give better to myself... but it was kinda nice to find out that my beginnings of effort lately have made a difference, versus my complete lack of effort a couple months ago.
Today: worked out. Ellen Barrett DVD. I know, I'm a little obsessed. And I'm ok with that.
Job progress: none. Other productive activites: none. Did some crossword and kenken puzzles. Watched a bunch of TV. Oh, and slept in way too late. Again.
So... better than nothing, but not by much.
Tomorrow: Target trip, finishing my taxes (oh, procrastination), focus on job searching and APPLYING, and picking up Jimmy at the airport at like 10pm. If I just try, I know I can do it all.
Today: worked out. Ellen Barrett DVD. I know, I'm a little obsessed. And I'm ok with that.
Job progress: none. Other productive activites: none. Did some crossword and kenken puzzles. Watched a bunch of TV. Oh, and slept in way too late. Again.
So... better than nothing, but not by much.
Tomorrow: Target trip, finishing my taxes (oh, procrastination), focus on job searching and APPLYING, and picking up Jimmy at the airport at like 10pm. If I just try, I know I can do it all.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Easy Saturday In Gray
As forecasted, it's gray and rainy today. I'm actually a little happy about it - it's encouraging me to stay in here and get this place a little cleaned up. Kelly will be home late tonight, and doesn't need to see the mess I make when I'm alone. I slept a full eight hours last night (albeit 4am-noon, and on the couch) and woke up feeling rested and ready for a new day. I noticed last night that even if Kelly wasn't coming home from Antigua (and she is actually trying to get her flight delayed a day or two... hehe) I still wanted to clean this place up today. It was a feeling deep in my bones. Odd, really, but good.
I have also had an important realization. How I handle my dishes is a strong indicator of my mental/emotional state. There is a strong correllation between how readily I wash them, and how much time I spend on the couch basically disappearing from the world. If I'm keeping up with them, I'm feeling fine and able to keep up with at least my basic responsibilities. If I'm letting them pile up in the sink, and onto the counters, and overwhelm the kitchen... I'm not OK. That's what's been going on this week. Almost all the dishes I own are dirty right now. And all week I've been spending a lot of time in pajamas, lazy side overriding logic, on the couch. (BTW - I'm not talking causation here. Just that the correllation is strong.) This extends to how I care (or don't) for other areas of my house: vaccuuming, litter boxes, laundry... But the dishes are the first one to stop (or start).
A couple years ago, I read an article by one of my favorite writers, Laura Didyk. It was called "How Doing Dishes Saved My Life" (can be found on Kripalu.org under Off the Mat columns in their library). I felt connected to it at the time, but am now realizing just why it resonated so deeply in me.
What I'm finding most interesting is that the correllation is so clear both ways. Most of this week I've felt like I'm struggling - and I haven't been doing my dishes. But today I feel good. I want to work out, I want to clean the apt, I want to apply for jobs, finish my taxes, do some crosswords and kenken puzzles (sudoku-like and addictive!)... and yes, I want to do my dishes. Strange how obvious it is.
And it could be helpful in the future. If I catch myself not doing them daily, I know I'm coming into a bad place. And just maybe I will be able to do something to pull myself out before it takes me over. I'll keep you posted.
For now, the kitchen is calling me and I'm off to answer it. Happy Saturday!
I have also had an important realization. How I handle my dishes is a strong indicator of my mental/emotional state. There is a strong correllation between how readily I wash them, and how much time I spend on the couch basically disappearing from the world. If I'm keeping up with them, I'm feeling fine and able to keep up with at least my basic responsibilities. If I'm letting them pile up in the sink, and onto the counters, and overwhelm the kitchen... I'm not OK. That's what's been going on this week. Almost all the dishes I own are dirty right now. And all week I've been spending a lot of time in pajamas, lazy side overriding logic, on the couch. (BTW - I'm not talking causation here. Just that the correllation is strong.) This extends to how I care (or don't) for other areas of my house: vaccuuming, litter boxes, laundry... But the dishes are the first one to stop (or start).
A couple years ago, I read an article by one of my favorite writers, Laura Didyk. It was called "How Doing Dishes Saved My Life" (can be found on Kripalu.org under Off the Mat columns in their library). I felt connected to it at the time, but am now realizing just why it resonated so deeply in me.
What I'm finding most interesting is that the correllation is so clear both ways. Most of this week I've felt like I'm struggling - and I haven't been doing my dishes. But today I feel good. I want to work out, I want to clean the apt, I want to apply for jobs, finish my taxes, do some crosswords and kenken puzzles (sudoku-like and addictive!)... and yes, I want to do my dishes. Strange how obvious it is.
And it could be helpful in the future. If I catch myself not doing them daily, I know I'm coming into a bad place. And just maybe I will be able to do something to pull myself out before it takes me over. I'll keep you posted.
For now, the kitchen is calling me and I'm off to answer it. Happy Saturday!
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